Peter Sinclair: Season of resolutions

"I have newly taken a solemn oath about abstaining from plays and wine ..."

It is the season of resolutions, of doomed resolves to renovate ourselves or even rebuild our lives from the ground up. The vow above is entirely modern, identical to today's preoccupations with personal growth, yet it was sworn on December 31, 1661, by Samuel Pepys.

Like most such oaths, it was short-lived: "And here I drank wine upon necessity, being ill for want of it ..." Still, Sam didn't do too badly — he stuck to it until February 17, 1662. How many of us will be able to say as much in 2001?

Early last century, France's Emile Coue elaborated the impulse to reform into a system, and millions of people drifted off to sleep each night murmuring his famous mantra: "Every day and in every way I am becoming better and better ..." To judge by the historical record, this wasn't a howling success.

Still, hope springs eternal, even in those of us who have been plumbing the depths of our own frailty year after year ever since we were old enough to identify original sin. So the Sleuth presents a quick guide for imperfect readers who wish to fly in the face of prior experience and try again this year:

• Lose Weight: Does canola oil deserve a place in your diet? Find out, and lead the charge on your waistline at www.fitnessonline.com. How about "Drinking coffee burns fat!" — now that's my kind of workout ...

• Save Money: Sheryl Nance-Nash, a natural-born wet blanket, organises, strategises and bosses your money around at www.moneyminded.com.

• Get Organised: chore time, clean time, budget time — this website presents time-management as sheer self-intimidation. Visit www.organizetips.com by all means, just don't ask me to marry you.

• Work Harder: "Failure is like driving down a dead-end road and turning back to find a better route." Huh? This is but one of dozens of such clouded utterances at www.globility.com designed to motivate you, inspire you, and make that first coronary an achievable goal.

• Stop Smoking: join the Stop-Smoking Ring, folksily administered by Grandpa Chuck at www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Villa/3644/indexss.html. Somewhere there's a way for the
weakest-willed, from smoking cinnamon pretend-cigarettes to sinister aversion therapies.

• Stop Drinking: Sobriety and Recovery Resources assembles personal testimonials from the newly-sober to light your way, some of which ("... and now, Donna's gone") are enough to send you straight back to the gin-bottle.

• Meet New People: fascinating strangers are waiting at http://chat.uscity.net. Bear in mind, though, that "Carolle, 19, blonde, outgoing, Malibu" will likely turn out to be "Fritz, 13, complexion-challenged, Detroit."

• Get a New Hobby: Considered taking up cheese sculpture? Grab some gruyere and go to http://www.tiscalinet.it

• Travel More: if this list has made grim reading so farwhy not take a refreshing Australian Pub Crawl — as long as it doesn't conflict with any earlier resolution — for only $US600 ($NZ1,406.09)?

Unreconstructed readers who choose this last resolution may need to rebalance their body-chemistry at the Global Hangover Guide with anything from Chinese kudzu (a restorative tuber) to Russian rassol, a kind of fizzy cabbage-juice.

Good luck — and Happy New Year!

Samuel Pepys

Emile Coue

www.fitnessonline.com

www.moneyminded.com

www.organizetips.com

www.globility.com

Stop-Smoking Ring

Sobriety and Recovery Resources

http://chat.uscity.net

www.tiscalinet.it

Australian Pub Crawl

Global Hangover Guide

New Year


E-mail: petersinclair@email.com