Google me: The sex advice you need, and some you don't want

By JULIE MIDDLETON

Auckland University researcher Dr Virginia Braun wants to talk to people about sex. Her survey is about sex in long-term relationships - by her definition, those that have lasted at least a year.

Put the word "sex" into Google and you get inundated - 234 million entries, to be exact. No real surprises there. But the phrase "sex in long-term relationships" throws up a mere 152 pages. (Maybe it's something we just don't wanna talk about ... )

On www.selfhelpmagazine.com, therapist Jeanne Shaw says that "couples in long-term relationships often complain of lagging sexual energy. In fact, over half of the people in my 'Retreat for Couples' sexuality workshops attend with the hope of increasing their sexual energy, and others want to know they are not perverts for enjoying sex, especially at mid-life and beyond ... They want to grow old together as lovers, not room-mates.

"Hidden sexual energy can be found when people know how and where to look. Most couples search for it where it feels comfortable, not where it is. Couples often act like the drunk searching for his keys under a street light, because darkness prevents him looking for them where they are".

Oh. Not the most appealing of images. You could have good dinner-party arguments with the following, though. Carrie Hill Wilner, writing on the site nerve.com, says: "German shrink Dr Michael Mary ... believes that good sex in long-term relationships is infeasible and that the best way to jump-start a dull sex life is to cheat.

"Dr Mary, who recently published the book Five Lies Concerning Love and is apparently not affiliated with any research institution ... explains that his years as a therapist have taught him that it is better to accept the discrepancy between sexual desire and long-term love."

This is advice for blokes only. At john-ross.net/advice.htm you'll find this: "If a good long-term sex life with one woman is important to you, never get into a committed relationship (such as marriage) with a slender woman unless she is genetically slender.

"Two-hundred-pound women who have always been heavy are usually comfortable with themselves and have good sex drives.

"Former 125-pound hotties that gain 75 pounds after saying 'I do' often lose all interest in sex and are a very bad bet for the long haul. I know dozens of men who found this out the hard way.

"Conversely, no man I know with a fat partner who has always been fat (I actually prefer the word "plush") is dissatisfied with his wife or girlfriend's level of desire.

"The old admonition about taking a long look at the mother before proposing is sound advice."

If you think you possibly need more sober advice than that, check out the book that pops up most frequently in the search.

Sex in Long-Term Relationships: Men and Women Talk About Sex is edited by Klay Lamprell and published by Allen & Unwin Australia.

According to www.powells.com, it is a "frank, accessible collection of first-hand accounts from people of all walks of life who've been in a sexual relationship for more than five years".