Google me: A joke sums up tying the knot in interesting times

By JULIET ROWAN

Marriage has been a hot topic lately.

We learned that last year there were 21,420 marriages in New Zealand - 3.5 per cent more than the previous year and the most since 1991.

Then there was the news that the country's second couple to have an arranged marriage by a radio station had silenced pundits and celebrated their six-month anniversary.

Finally, to add to the hype, Massachusetts defied conservatives and became the first American state to legalise same-sex marriages.

So with all this talk of weddings, what is the ideal "21st century marriage"?

According to The Doyletics Foundation, which emerges top of the list after punching those three words into Google, a marriage in which spouses demand nothing of each other.

The site, which promotes doyletics, a new-age memory-enhancing technique, provides a "21st century marriage contract" that tries to be the antithesis of traditional vows. The only problem is that all the non-demands make the contract confusing, as the first two vows show:

1. We will not require each other to be unfaithful.

2. We will not be required to disobey the other.

The website of the Institute of 21st Century Relationships, also challenges conventional notions of marriage but in less nonsensical and more thought-provoking way.

Formed in July 2000 by American academics, the institute promotes the idea that monogamous "one size fits all" marriages are ill-suited to contemporary society and that alternatives should be embraced.

The site has plenty of research, but not everyone is going to be convinced by arguments that there is no need for humans to be monogamous when fewer than 5 per cent of mammals are.

Not to be outdone, the Hindu Folio predicted in January 2000 that the new century would be defined by multiple marriages of two types:

"Because people will be living longer and will be healthy to an older age ... It will not be unusual for a person to be married five or six times. There will also be two forms of marriage - a permanent one and a 'companionate marriage'.

"The latter, by its very nature, will be a relationship terminable at will, but still conferring legitimacy upon offspring. The 'permanent' marriage will be governed by the more conventional and usual rules.

"The companionate marriage will be a lot more fun."

Among the 355,000 entries for "21st century marriage" there is also ample representation from religious individuals and groups supporting "the sacred institution" in its traditional form.

But what catches the eye, and says something about our computer-ridden age, is a joke titled "A 21st Century Marriage" that pops up on numerous sites.

It goes like this:

I stopped at a florist's shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches to the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."

The customer begged me: "May I please have those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's worse than that,' he said. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"