I dos and don'ts online

By SHELLEY HOWELLS

With the novelty long gone from virtually scooping the cyber-poop of your virtual pet, perhaps it is time to try a different web lifestyle: virtual marriage.

Singapore's Straits Times has reported roughly 50,000 cyber-nuptials in China and about half that man6y over in Taiwan so far.

Couples register, go through an online ceremony and then meet in their own chat-room to, presumably, e-consummate their marriage.

All non-binding, of course, but reported to have caused some problems between traditional partners.

You, too, can try net nuptials at sites such a LiveWED - "after the ceremony you'll be showered in confetti and receive a keepsake printable certificate" - and Cyber wedding chapel.

Think of the advantages! A spouse without the extra laundry, a partner who doesn't hog the blankets. Marriage without having to compromise, argue, read maps, cook, or share the remote. Matrimony without in-laws, hairs in the sink, seats up/down and the requirement to be mature and grown-up.

No requirements at all, besides the ability to get online and find someone willing.

Lord knows, you can find anyone to do anything online, which is why half the world believes the net is going to destroy relationships, while the other half rattles on about how great the net is for couples.

The cons say that the net is stealing precious time from families: dad is spending too much time online in role-playing games, and mum spends all her spare time with a virtual lover. Junior, when she's not texting her mates, is instant-messaging them, and the dog has a homepage. The only time they talk is to negotiate more time online.

An exaggeration? Maybe not - one study revealed that one in four United States employees believed they were addicted to the internet. And Relate, a major British marriage guidance service, pointed out that the internet was starting to play a significant role in relationship breakups, as one in 10 of their clients blamed the net for relationship problems.

Relate's chief executive, Angela Sibson, told the BBC that it was not just the net eating time, it was temptation.

"The internet is a gateway to other relationships. They can be very potent and break up existing relationships."

Despite Relate's clear doubts about the benefits to relationships of the net, it has launched an email advice service, recognising that men, in particular, may be more willing to get marriage counselling and advice if it is anonymous.

So if your marriage is falling apart because of the net, you can go online to seek help. Hmmm ...

Those who argue that the net is a boon for love, point out how it is breaking down barriers between people, helping them to meet and fall in love and creating common interests.

For every tale of hearts broken by online infidelity, lies, rip-offs and scams, there is another of true love found on the web.

For one long-married, slightly bored Auckland couple, getting online was good and bad for their marriage.

She, aged 40, was contacted by her first love, who had tracked her down online.

"I was delighted to hear from him," she says. "I often used to wonder, 'What if?' A classic case of never quite getting over your first love."

He lived overseas, and they started chatting on MSN. What started as low-key talk about each other's families, kids and lives, began to take on a flirtatious note.

They started talking online about their marriage problems, giving each other advice, sharing more and more intimate details.

"It was all starting to get a bit heated and quite exciting," says the woman. She started imagining a future with him. "We had to chat every day and when I wasn't chatting I was thinking about him. My marriage was boring and he certainly was not."

Not until they exchanged photos anyway. "I took one look at that photo of him, looking grey and middle-aged and the whole thing was over in an instant!"

She laughs. "I realised that what I actually had was a crush on the 17-year-old I'd known decades ago, not some guy as old and tired as myself.

"My marriage is stronger, because I looked at my husband and realised that he was where I should be putting my energies, not into some fantasy."

Straits Times

LiveWED

Cyber wedding chapel

Relate