Deborah Hill Cone: Screens are not vessels of evil

Whether communicating or escaping, children choose their own paths. Photo/ Getty Images

Computers and phones hold plenty of good for kids.

It is the school holidays and I am really pleased our 7-year-old son is showing entrepreneurial tendencies by setting up a shop outside our house on the footpath and keeping late opening hours even in his flannelette pyjamas, but he might have a bit to learn about pricing.

He was surprised no punter wanted to buy a half-drunk Pump bottle for $5. And I would not let him sell my expensive cushion with a picture of the Beatles in tapestry.

Disappointed, he went back to his computer. I let the children go on their computers as much as they like. This is not out of laziness. Really, it isn't. Well, at least not solely.

I am firmly of the view the alarm over children being on "screens" is just another moral panic and I refuse to join in (some other moral panics: sugar, home invasions, herpes, drugs and Dungeons & Dragons).

The whole screens-are-evil premise seems quite muddle-headed. When I was a child I found interacting with other kids terrifying and spent most of my time reading.

Back then this was not considered cleverly bookish, as it is now, but morally bad. I was constantly being told to get my nose out of my book.

But now books are virtuous and screens are bad. What if you are reading an actual book on a screen?

It also appears confused to me that on the one hand adults say kids are on screens too much and it is terrible, but at the same time they say they all ought to be learning coding and becoming geeks.

Make up your minds, people!

According to child development specialist Kenneth Barish, children being on computers is "alarming" because interactive play is an essential pathway to social maturity.

But our daughter spends most of her time online doing MAPs (multi-animation projects, I think) and, yes, neglectful mother, I suppose I should pay more attention.

Anyway, a MAP is when a group of kids join together to each make a piece of an animation online. This doesn't seem like it is leading to her moral decay.

Interaction in ways other than face-to-face can be a godsend for sensitive children overwhelmed by the hurly-burly of schoolyard politics.

Our daughter also reads books online.

According to Dr Barish, this is bad, but if she was doing exactly the same with a hard copy of a book, he would approve.

Though reading in hard copy is not exactly sociable and interactive either.

Dr Barish worries that texting, when used by kids as an escape from painful feelings, undermines their ability to tolerate moments of sadness and loneliness, essential for a healthy emotional life.

The alarm over children being on "screens" is just another moral panic and I refuse to join in, Deborah writes. Photo / Getty

But I used to escape into books in exactly the same way. Another point he makes is more valid.

Social media heighten a child's expectation of an immediate response and create a sense of urgency in regard to his or her feelings and needs.

"Urgency, however, is an enemy of emotional maturity," he says.

This sounds spot on. But even so I am sceptical about how much we can teach children at all - even important lessons such as delaying gratification.

I seem to be spending much of my adult life unlearning the stuff I got taught as a child.

For example, I was taught to try your hardest. Now I am learning about wu wei, the art of not trying so hard.

I was taught rational thinking could solve any problem. Now I am learning to stop overthinking.

I was taught to decide what you wanted in life and go and out and get it. Now I am learning to love what I have.

I was taught sex was really, well, a bit shameful and embarrassing. Now I am learning sex is wonderful and to be enjoyed without guilt.

I was taught you must think about others before yourself. Now I am learning that in order to be a good parent, you need to look after yourself first.

So, with this in mind, I don't know that children actually learn what we want to teach them. Rather they learn from what we do.

They model their behaviour on what they see us doing. Our brains have mirror neurones which fire when we act and when we see someone performing the same action.

How many parents going on about their kids being on screens are constantly on their cellphones texting?

Once I finish this paragraph I am going to shut my laptop for the the day.

I just hope our son doesn't sell it to a passing pedestrian.