Cyber-Santa is prolific and keeping lists

By SHELLEY HOWELLS

Santa seems to have more personalities than Barbie, and the net is where they gather and multiply each year.

There's cosy, ho, ho, ho Santa, hard-sell Santa, angry Santa, alcoholic Santa, gay Santa, naked Santa and more.

Santas live in Lapland, the North Pole, Finland and malls of many nations, driving sleighs, driving parade floats, driving hard bargains, and all claiming to be the One True Santa.

His existence can no longer be in any doubt.

The proof is on Santa television, which screens fresh footage of the man himself at work in his mailroom, with the reindeer, and kicking back in his grotto.

Most fascinating is an exclusive interview in which the reporter grills Santa on such subjects as how he manages the long distances on Christmas Eve. Cynics might say this is one big ad for Lapland's Christmas tourist destination, Santa Park in Rovaniemi.

Finns would argue that the true Santa website is Radio Santa Claus, which broadcasts Santa news and backgrounders from Korvatunturi (Ear Mountain) in Finnish Lapland.

An interactive advent calendar carries a daily Real Player message from Mr Claus.

But he is just as likely to carry a Greenland passport, for the official Santa site there says "Santa Claus' activities are financed by the Greenland Government and handled by Santa Claus of Greenland a/s. The [Santa] board comprises representatives from TELE Greenland, POST Greenland and Greenland Tourism"- The National Tourist Board of Greenland".

So you'd better watch out.

Those who are borderline in the naughty/nice department can check their ranking in a direct line to Santa's list. By simply typing your name in the handy Nice-o-Meter you'll quickly receive your rating in time to reassess your behaviour.

Seems that Osama bin Laden could still get a visit. His rating at press time: "Nice, but has been naughty at times. Neatness and politeness have been very good over the last two weeks.

"Shows proper respect for others. Shares well, but could always be better. With a little more effort, could be near top of 'nice' list."

Alternatively, you can check if your name is on the good list at Santa's net.

It could go either way with Beelzebub, whose comment reads, "Ask again in one day's time".

Come Christmas, while the great unwired are singing carols round the barbie, the more connected will be sitting round the monitor tracking Santa's progress across the globe. The original and best tracking site is Norad.

Norad has stalked Santa every year since 1958, thanks to a newspaper misprint that resulted in children calling the military organisation responsible for US/Canadian airspace defence instead of a Santa hotline. Read the charming background story at the site.

A wackier tracker is on Claus.com (www.claus.com/spotter/index.shtml) with a cartoon cockpit view, a count of cookies consumed on the way, as well as a travel journal and an awful lot of Grinch-heavy advertising.If impatience for Santa's visit gets the better of you and yours, take a moment to consider the poor saps in London who are queuing for five hours to see the Santa in Harrods and need an instruction manual to do so (www.harrods.com/fatherchristmas/default.html). Like the rest of us, Father Christmas is getting more technically advanced each year.

In 1897, Virginia had to rely on snail mail and a newspaper editor's opinion to confirm his existence. Modern Virginias can delete the middle man and head to Xmas to catch Santa in the chatroom on the 14th and 18th, as well as see exactly how many sleeps hours and minutes to go until the bountiful airdrop.

Santa Television

Radio Santa Claus

The Official Santa Claus of Greenland

Nice-o-Meter

Santa's good and bad list

Norad

Is there a Santa Claus?

Xmas