Top 10: Premature celebrations

Winston Aldworth reports on some injudicious triumphalism from fans, players and coaches

ONE: 'The band is on the field'

In the Land of the Gun-Polishers, this one is referred to simply as "The Play" and it remains one of the most contentious subjects for heated sporting debates over lard-injected hotdogs and bucket-sized fizzy drinks.

Stanford take the lead from the University of California in a college football playoff match, whacking over a field goal to go 20-19 with four seconds left on the clock.

From the restart, chaos reigns. Stanford drill the kick low and hard and pile on to the receiving player. On the sideline, the Stanford band believe the tackle is complete and the match won. They flood on to the field - all 144 of them.

But somehow California have kept the ball alive and string together an unlikely series of lateral passes, setting free Kevin Moen - who had started the move. He surges into the part of the pitch now occupied by the 144-strong Stanford marching band. "The band is on the field," screams the commentator.

Moen swats off one tackler, outpaces another and flattens a trombonist, a la Mike Catt, before scoring a highly contentious touchdown.

The referee's call went California's way.

"I wasn't nervous at all when I stepped out to make the call," says referee Charles Moffett. "Maybe I was too dumb. Gee, it seems like it was yesterday. Anyway ... there was dead silence in the place. Then when I raised my arms, I thought I had started World War III. It was like an atomic bomb had gone off."

The flattened trombonist, Gary Tyrrell, never saw his five minutes of fame coming. "I thought I'd be famous for my talent as a musician, not for being knocked down at a football game."

TWO: Idiotic inks

The rules of getting tattoos are clear:

1.) Don't do it if you're drunk; and

2.) Don't do it if you're a particularly excitable Manchester City fan.

So confident was Kirk Bradley of his beloved City winning this year's Champions League that way back in 2010 he went and got a tattoo reading "Manchester City 2011 Champions League Winners". Days later, City slipped to fifth in the Premier League, thus not even qualifying for this year's Champions' League.

"I don't regret it and can see the funny side. I'm getting stick from United fans."

Simon Hart was less able to see the funny side of his "Rooney - City legend" tattoo, freshly inked around the time that the United striker mooted a shift across town.

"I have been shafted by Manchester United again, now I'm stuck with a picture of Shrek on my back."

Meanwhile, Chris Atkinson had the names of Kaka (never signed with City) and Robinho (signed, did very little and buggered off quickly) inked on his skin.

"I'll just wait until I have kids and call them Robinho and Kaka."

THREE: Forty-nine, out

When Arsenal arrived at Old Trafford for a Premier League match in October 2004, they stood on the threshold of greatness.

They had won the title the previous season, becoming just the second side in more than a century to go undefeated through a full league campaign, and a win or a draw against Manchester United would see the Gunners pass the 50 mark for undefeated league matches.

Inevitably they lost, United winning 2-0 in a foul-tempered affair.

"In all my sporting life, I have never received so many kicks as I did in Manchester," said Arsenal winger Jose Antonio Reyes.

The antagonism between Manchester United and Arsenal around this time meant there wasn't much in the way of post-match bonhomie - so it seemed surprising that the Red Devils were so keen to swap jerseys.

Turns out the United players knew their rivals had T-shirts reading "50 not out" beneath their kit, and were egging them on to swap in the hope of revealing the injudicious celebration.

The Arsenal players all refused to swap.

The goading continued in the tunnel.

Matters became heated as players and coaching staff rowed.

A spread of food had been laid out for the players and, with tempers still high, a shouting match led to pizza being thrown.

And soup. It's unknown if it was Arsenal's Sol Campbell or United's Gabriel Heinze.

The former Arsenal left back Ashley Cole described the infamous "Battle of the Buffet" in his autobiography.

"This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush ... all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off this famous, puce face and roll down his nice black suit."

FOUR: Nigel's wave

Nearing the chequered flag in the 1991 Canadian Grand Prix, Nigel Mansell waved to the roaring crowd. He had raced well and deserved to enjoy the moment - but, er, Nigel, don't let the revs drop too low. The engine might stall ... Nigel ... Nigel!

The official line from Williams was that a late gearbox failure had brought the car to a halt, as Mansell's rival Nelson Piquet zipped past to top the podium. The unofficial line was that Mansell had slowed down too much as he waved to the onlookers.

In the F1 yard, Ferrari also have notable form for premature celebration. Their roaring cheer for Felipe Massa as the Brazilian crossed the finish line in the last race of the 2007 season, ignored the fact that McLaren's Lewis Hamilton had just snatched the driver's title by passing Timo Glock on the last corner of the season.

FIVE: Liverpool's redundant coach

In defence of Liverpool, it probably takes quite a while to get a victory parade bus ready in time to celebrate a Champions' league title. When the wheels came off their European campaign in 2007, Liverpool found themselves up Uefa Cup Avenue, with a bus bedecked for Champions' League glory.

SIX: Done like a kipper

It's probably unwise to mix sports fandom with running a betting agency but the least we can say of Fred Done is that he is a man of his convictions. In 1998, with his beloved Manchester United sitting on a 12-point lead at the top of the Premier League in March, Done's BetFred paid out punters who had picked the Red Devils to win the league. By the time the competition finished, a 10-match winning streak from Arsenal had delivered a $1.1 million loss for Done.

SEVEN: England's Grand Slam ad

Of course, it's not the fault of the players, or even the managers. But after England's kit sponsor, Nike, had prepared an advertisement celebrating their Grand Slam, someone should have had the good sense to delete the file following Ireland's 24-8 victory last weekend.

Before you could say "swoosh", the resulting ad was indiscreetly leaked on to YouTube - not a good look for the men in white who, deserved or not, have something of a reputation for arrogance.

EIGHT: England's Grand Slam ties

Nike's celebratory whoopsie is up there with the England kitman back in 1990, when Will Carling's Englishmen went to Murrayfield for a Grand Slam decider.

The fact the Scots were also on the verge of an undefeated run through the Five Nations hadn't caught the attention of the England kit manager.

T-shirts and ties celebrating an English Grand Slam were on sale around Edinburgh on the day of the game. The kitman had the bonnie idea that it'd be nice for the lads to wear the celebratory tie after beating the Scots. With the players on the field, the ties were laid out in their dressing room for the English to wear to the after-match function. A spiffing surprise, what!, with David Sole's Scots winning 13-7.

As the final whistle neared, the kitman sought the groundsman to get access to the changing room and remove the ties before the players got back.

The groundsman was nowhere to be found and the ties were not worn by the English players as they were "sent hameward , to think again".

NINE: Jackson's jive

Bad enough being famous for one premature celebration, worse still when you're a YouTube legend for two.

In 2005, DeSean Jackson capped his high school career by being voted the Most Valuable Player at the US Army All-American Bowl. Good stuff, son. But his year is better remembered for an act of boneheaded egotism.

With all the defenders beaten, Jackson tried to somersault from the 5 yard line to score a touchdown, forcing the ball as he landed. Happily for fans of schadenfreude, he came down short of the end zone, planting the ball on the 1 yard line.

By 2008, when he made it into the big time with a contract at the Philadelphia Eagles, Jackson had already forgotten 2004. Against the Dallas Cowboys, he celebrated what ought to have been his first NFL touchdown by dropping the ball in a cocksure manner at the moment he thought he had crossed into the end zone.

The referees thought different. They ruled he was a yard outside the scoring zone.

TEN: Fisiiahi kisses the wrist

Glen Fisiiahi had a dynamite year in 2010. The fullback scored 20 tries in 26 matches on the way to winning the title with the Junior Warriors. The standout player of the Toyota Cup competition, the flying Fisiiahi played his way into a full-blown Warriors contract for 2011.

So will his 2010 be remembered for the 20 tries? Nope. The title? Nope. The graduation to senior footy? Nope.

Fisiiahi's YouTube moment of 2010 was a pre-emptive try-scoring celebration for the ages. In a top-of-the-table clash against Souths, he latched on to a stray kick and blazed 60 metres to the tryline before kissing the cross on his wristband and gesturing to the Big Guy in the sky. But Fisiiahi had allowed just enough time for a Souths defender to swat the ball out of his hand, saving the try. The Big Guy was obviously not impressed.

The Herald's report at the time said: "The clip will probably get a run at every club every year when coaches hold their 'why you don't showboat before you've grounded the bleeding ball' lectures."