Steve Hansen was good for a few quips this year. Photo / Getty
Steve Hansen was good for a few quips this year. Photo / Getty
It's been a year to remember in New Zealand and international sport. We look back on the quotes that caught our eye in a stellar sporting year.
NOW THAT'S AN INSULT
Andy Murray's fiancee, Kim Sears, mouthed these words after Murray hit a winning shot past Tomas Berdych: "F---ing have that you flashy Czech, you flashy f---."
Model Núbia Óliiver on what she learned from a period dating soccer players in the 1990s: "Every woman should sample a footballer, but they're quite hard to like. I see them as tampons: use once, then discard. Are there exceptions? Of course there are. About one in a million."
New heavyweight world boxing champion, Tyson Fury: "I believe a woman's best place is in the kitchen and on her back, that's my personal belief. Making me a good cup of tea, that's what I believe. My wife's job is cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids. But she does get to make some decisions - what she is going to cook me for tea when I get home. She's a very privileged woman to have a husband like me." Yes, he was serious.
In his just-released diary Michael Clarke reaches for the long handle, on one of his more public critics: "Andrew Symonds went on TV to criticise my leadership. I'm sorry but he is not a person to judge anyone on leadership. This is a guy who turned up drunk to play for his country. It's pretty rich for him to be throwing rocks."
Steve Williams on his former boss Tiger Woods: "One thing that really pissed me off was how he would flippantly toss a club in the general direction of the bag, expecting me to go over and pick it up. I felt uneasy about bending down to pick up his discarded club, it was like I was his slave. The other thing that disgusted me was his habit of spitting at the hole if he missed a putt."
Former Wallaby Greg Martin reaches for the long handle on the subject of James O'Connor, who was let go by the Reds so he could return to Europe. "The Justin Bieber of Australian rugby . . . He's an immature twat. A little young punk . . . Who does he think he is?"
"You're boring and I want to get you out of the heavy-weight division. You have about as much charisma as my underpants. Zero." - Tyson Fury before ending Wladimir Klitschko's four-year reign as undisputed world heavyweight champion.
"Kokkinakis banged your girlfriend, sorry to tell you that mate." Nick Kyrgios stuns the sporting world with this jaw-dropping sledge to Stan Wawrinka during a match at the Montreal Masters.
THAT TRIAL
Lou Vincent swears under oath to a London court, about his days playing in the IPL with Chris Cairns: "Chris was huge . . . He was a role model, of course he was. All of a sudden I was invited into his world. It's clear as day he'd pay me $US50,000 for each match I'd fix for him."
Chris Cairns leaves Southwark Crown Court, after being cleared of perjury charges: "I'm off for a beer."
Chris Cairns when asked what he would say if he saw Brendon McCullum in the street: "Why?"
Kiwi all-rounder Mitchell Santner tells of his Test debut: "Nathan Lyon asked straight away, 'Are you nervous?' I was like, 'Ah yeah,' and that stopped the conversation." Santner went on to be top run scorer, with innings of 31 and 45.
RIP JONAH
Jonah Lomu, three months ago, on his poor health: "My goal is to make it to the boys' 21sts. There are no guarantees that will happen, but it's my focus."
"I used to make fun of him, I said no one could catch him because whenever the nostrils flared up he took all the oxygen." - Former All Black Eric Rush paying tribute to Jonah Lomu at his memorial.
Mike Catt on what happened after Jonah Lomu flattened him, to score the first try of the 1995 World Cup semi-final: "I'm lying on the floor and [New Zealand second row] Robin Brooke came over to me, hit me across the cheek and said 'mate, that's just the start of it'. He scored every time he got the ball, you couldn't get hold of him."
NAILED IT IN ONE!
Former Australian seamer Dirk Nannes, following Kiwi Ross Taylor finishing on 290 runs, the highest score by a visiting batsman to Australia: "After the innings, not one person from the Australian camp went and shook his hand. In the spirit of the way this game has been played ... I can't help but be disappointed that no one shook his hand. It's not that hard, is it? You don't have a guy bat for a day and a half and not even acknowledge it. That's horrendous sportsmanship."
Ross Taylor departs without a handshake after his 290. Photo / Getty
Former Black Caps batsman and coach Mark
Greatbatch
agreed: "That is a disgrace and that sums up the Australians. They're just arrogant people."
Bath coach Mike Ford on Sam Burgess throwing his toys out of said Bath and returning to the NRL: "All I know is that he didn't have the stomach to see out his contract. For me this was the time to roll his sleeves up and become the player that I thought he could be, and he chose not to."
Clive Woodward: "The RFU has spent the past four years congratulating itself on the direction in which we're heading, but the truth is we have marched confidently into a total mess. We are the laughing stock of not only world rugby but also sport and business."
Michelle Payne, after winning the Melbourne Cup: "I dreamt about it from when I was five years old and my school friends ... were teasing me about it. When I was about seven, I said, 'I'm going to win the Melbourne Cup', and they always give me a bit of grief about it and I can't believe we've done it."
Nigel Owens, the Welsh ref who controlled the World Cup final, on being gay: "The rugby world is very heterosexual and masculine, and this made things difficult. Although that's not to say that the sport is openly homophobic. It was just never an environment where I felt like I could be myself."
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
Shane Warne: "I'm impossible not to like. Why I think people still like me is I've never ever pretended to be someone I'm not . . . I've had my fair share of ups and downs over a long time, but for the last five or six years I've been pretty good, I've just been doing my thing."
Warne on the mirror above his bed: "I haven't had one complaint, it's all I can say. The response from women generally has been 'Wow, that's really cool'."
THAT'S (A SPORTING) LIFE
Prince Harry: "The beauty about rugby is you can sit next to a brother or friend or complete stranger, both supporting different teams, give each other a high five and hug at the end and move on."
Ford driver David Reynolds has been fined $25,000 for a comment he made about the series' first all-female team at the Bathurst 1000 since 1998. "Was I aware of the pussy wagon ..? [Yes.] Renee and Simone are really good people and really good drivers. I hope they perform well for us."
"I didn't even get married in white." - US women's player Bethanie Mattek-Sands complaining about Wimbledon dress code.
"It would be having a more open, honest relationship with my ex-wife." - What Tiger Woods replied after being asked what he would change most in his life and career as he approaches 40 on December 30.
"Luckily, that amount of money doesn't sort of mean much to me anymore." - Rory McIlroy talks about the possibility of winning the $10 million FedEx Cup bonus.
"I am a mountain goat that keeps going and going and going, I cannot be stopped, I just keep going." - Sepp Blatter before his reelection for a fifth term as FIFA president.
"That is someone who should be given the Nobel Peace Prize. His contribution to the global humanitarian sphere is colossal." - Russian President Vladimir Putin on suspended FIFA boss Sepp Blatter, who is facing corruption allegations.
"I've loved every minute of it and I'm absolutely devastated I'll never play in front of these fantastic supporters again. Looking round the dressing room, I love the players in there to death and I wish them every success in the future" - Steven Gerrard bids farewell to Anfield ahead of his move to LA Galaxy.
"I'll be back" - Blatter again, this time promising to appeal his eight-month ban from football in December.
WORLD CUP CORNER
"Just my arm." Steve Hansen when asked what he had up his sleeve at the World Cup.
During Fiji's defeat by England ITV commentator Nick Mullins said: "In the smaller villages [in Fiji], they will all be gathering around the one TV, the one satellite dish, hoping the generator doesn't let them down."
"Maybe he was keen to get to the bathroom, who knows?" World Rugby chief executive Brett Gosper's odd joke ahead of World Rugby's public hanging of referee Craig Joubert after he sprinted from the field following the quarter-final between Scotland and Australia.
Craig Joubert makes a run for it after the Australia v Scotland quarterfinal. Photo / Getty
"We play a similar style of rugby to England but we have better-looking players." Springbok Schalk Burger explains why England fans should adopt his team after the Red Roses crashed out.
"I have seen this movie before and it's bloody horrible." Schalk Burger after his side lost by two points to the All Blacks in the semi-final.
"Come back here again and do that in two weeks. Not today." Referee Nigel Owens to Scottish fullback Stuart Hogg who made a soccer like dive in the match at St. James' Park.
Chuck Norris gifted his essence to the Wallabies: "They're gonna have the power of Chuck Norris' spirit to help them win. It's rugged. I like rugged stuff ." Didn't work Chuck.
An unnamed Twickenham resident, talking about the need for more temporary toilets after she caught a fan weeing in her garden. "I couldn't believe it - I opened the window and shouted: 'Oi, put that penis away.' In my work as a nurse, I have dealt with a lot of penises over the years and I have no problem with them or with rugby. But it is disgusting on personal property."
An unnamed French journalist trying to ask New Zealand's Waisake Naholo if nerves caused him to drop the ball in training. Journalist: "You failing balls?" Naholo: "What's that?" Journalist: "You have failing balls?" Naholo: "Ummm, no." Steve Hansen stepped in.
"They won and we lost." England fullback Mike Brown when asked to explain the difference between Wales and the home team in his side's 28-25 defeat.
