Supershorts: Wood wide of mark

Not sure what Ricki Herbert saw that was giving him so much cause for optimism yesterday (pictured), but it seems he should have taken his cue from technical director Raul Blanco whose worried expression was a far more accurate indicator of the way this game was headed. Picture / Sky Sport

England player's mystifying remark, NZ's Benny Hill display and a tennis star joker

Wood wide of mark

One of the more curious lines out of the England rugby camp this weekend came from flanker Tom Wood: "Having lived there and played against some of those characters, it does demystify them." Tom Wood is talking about a season he spent in New Zealand playing for... North Otago. Okay, so the Oamaruvians are a Heartland powerhouse, but it's a stretch to say that mixing with earnest amateurs can demystify the All Blacks.

Reid it and weep

"We didn't miss the injured Winston Reid," said West Ham manager Big Sam (or, the Big Sham as he's now unpopularly known as) Allardyce after losing 1-3 to struggling Norwich. Not sure Herbert would share that sentiment.

Sounds about right

Perhaps the cruellest report on the All Whites came from Sports Illustrated reporter Alexander Abnos who wrote that New Zealand's performance "could have been accurately soundtracked by Yakety Sax". For those too young to remember, Yakety Sax was the soundtrack to the ludicrous chases on the Benny Hill Show. In other words, New Zealand were embarrassingly bad.

He's gooner be sorry

An Arsenal fan with three wives stood to gain another wife and a Toyota in a wager. Instead, he lost his house after betting that the Gunners would beat Manchester United last Sunday. According to the Mirror, Henry Dhabasani, who has five children from the three wives, wagered the deal with friend Rashid Yiga, who offered up his spouse and his car. The contract was reportedly signed into writing by the two men and witnessed by community leaders in the town of Iganga in eastern Uganda. After Arsenal lost 1-0, several Manchester fans stormed Dhabasani's two-room house and kicked his family out.

Things that go rump in the night

A reporter at the Fast5 afterparty was blown away by the skills of the Jamaicans. Several players can move their butt cheeks vigorously and independently of each other - a sought-after skill in the nightclubs of Kingston, apparently.

Taste of tennis humour

On ITV's Jonathan Ross talkshow, Andy Murray revealed how Rafa Nadal pranked him at a New York restaurant. Said Murray: "I was sitting at dinner with my girlfriend and, during the meal I was checking my phone and I looked at one of the messages and it was from a number I didn't recognise and it said something like, 'Oh my God, Andy, you look so sexy tonight. It's a shame you're here with your girlfriend.' So I obviously didn't tell my girlfriend at first, I didn't want to ruin the meal. So I put it back in my pocket. Then on the way back from the meal it clicked who it was, and obviously the whole time he'd been watching me from a distance looking at this message and seeing my face."

Tennis players, what a bunch of jokers ...