The Herald sport team's irreverent look at the week's action.
Those Aussies sure know how to develop top sporting talent. Canberra is changing its citizenship laws to fast-track foreign-born athletes so they can represent Australia. The unseemly haste is so that Russian speed skater Tatiana Borodulina - a cheery Muscovite five minutes ago - can become a Convict in time to bag medals in the green and gold at the Vancouver Winter Olympics in February.
Immigration and Citizenship Minister Chris Evans popped his tongue in his cheek and said: "These changes will lead to more gold medals for Australia at sporting events, as well as providing a real win for the national workforce."
Eh? A "win for the national workforce"?
What about all those speed skaters in Darwin who've seen their job prospects melt?
No, he really is mad
SuperShorts' favourite bullfighter is making a comeback at the age of 67. Frank Evans, a grandfather of five from Salford and the only Briton to make it as a matador de toros, is to squeeze back into the spangly suit and don the red cape for another dance this weekend.
"I'm carrying a few extra pounds since I last donned the outfit," he said. "And I have to admit it's a bit tighter than I would have liked."
El Ingles, as he is known in bullfighting circles, quit back in August, 2005, because of a serious knee injury and a faulty heart. But after knee surgery and a quadruple heart bypass, he's abandoned the quiet life.
"I'm proud of my father," said his son, Matthew Evans. "People think he is mad but they don't understand what the bullfight is about and how much it means to him."
Galactic egos
Real Madrid's La Liga opener against Deportivo La Coruna saw the new Galacticos project take off with a bevy of superdooperstars competing for the fans' adulation. Karim Benzema - no slouch, in fact possibly the world's form striker at the moment - learnt his place in the Madrid cosmosphere when fans asked if they could take his photo post-match. An obliging lad, he agreed. Great, said the fans, and could you just pose alongside this photo of Cristiano Ronaldo while we take your snap?
Cue: A pissed off millionaire striker chucking Ronaldo's photo to the floor and storming away.
Bloody namesake
Fortune has a way of thumbing her nose at the maligned. Attempts by poor old Harlequins to get past Bloodgate have been set back by the naming of the referee for their season opener against Wasps - step forward Dean Richards. No not that Dean Richards, another Dean Richards; this one is a 40-year-old bloke from Berkshire who has been a ref since 1995.
Harlequins ex-coach Dean Richards has just started time on a three-year ban over the fake blood scandal.
Sensing conspiracy
Croatian FA chief, Vlatko Markovic, senses conspiracy. Tottenham's Luka Modric had his leg broken in a challenge with Birmingham's Lee Bowyer last weekend and will miss Croatia's crucial World Cup qualifier against England at Wembley next week. Markovic hints that dark forces are afoot. "This is horrible. I can only ask myself if it was really an accident. I'm close to thinking it was done to us deliberately before the England match. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw what happened to Luka. He is irreplaceable."
SuperShorts: Strewthski!
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.