Supershorts: July 8

Team Russiyanka are trying to boost their profile by losing their clothes. Photo / Supplied

Crowd pleasers
Spectator numbers have been down at FC Russiyanka, from Krasnoarmeysk, near Moscow, prompting a switch to an alternative, er, strip. Coach Tatyana Egorova said: "We are the best women's team in Russia and have won many championships, even representing our country in the Uefa Champions League. But few people have ever heard of us and we don't get many people coming to games so we've decided to give our profile a boost by appearing in bikinis. We think it's a good idea - our players are beautiful, great athletes and determined to win."

Taking the piss
Anyone else suprised that after drinking himself into a stupor on that Jetstar plane that a young provincial rep basketballer would end up dribbling everywhere?

Celebratory talk
There were a couple of gems from the Football Ferns coach John Herdman at the Women's World Cup.

After the side missed out on a late equaliser against Japan, he offered this: "We were hoping for a Winston Reid moment in the last couple of minutes but it didn't come."

A "Winston Reid moment" being when one of your girls heads the ball in, whips off her shirt and runs to the corner flag, John?

And after Wednesday's (superb) 2-2 draw against Mexico: "It felt like winning the World Cup."

Paraguay all the way
Paraguayan beauty Larissa Riquelme is again wondering whether or not to get naked on the strength of the national soccer team triumphing. This time her nudity is pinned on victory in the Copa America.

What Kissinger saw
Believe it or not, there are chin-scratching egg-head types who say that global geopolitics makes the serious business of sports look like small fry.

We defer here to Henry Kissinger and soccer's role in preventing a second Cuban missile crisis.

Richard Nixon's chief of staff Bob Haldeman said the wily old war criminal Kissinger knew the Soviets had returned to Cuba when he saw aerial photographs of soccer fields around a seaport.

"Those soccer fields could mean war, Bob," Kissinger said. "Cubans play baseball. Russians play soccer."

Haldeman claimed Kissinger dragged the Russian ambassador in and coaxed a secret withdrawal out of the Commies.

Great Satan 1, Evil Empire 0.

Wilding at heart
Gavin Abraham, of Parnell, calls us to task for last week's Wimbledon mullet gag.

"I'm sure you'll hear from plenty of others [we didn't], but I think calling Chris Lewis 'our greatest star of southwest London' might be overlooking a guy who has a tennis facility in Christchurch named after him. An appearance in the final in the 80s doesn't surpass multiple titles almost 100 years ago, even if defending the title then only meant [Anthony] Wilding winning one match against the challenger, America's Cup style."

Duly noted.