Hard questions in softball
How gay is gay enough?
That's the question before a court looking into the curious case of D2, a San Francisco softball team who were thrown out of the 2008 Gay Softball World Series after five members of their team were, er, outed as "non-gay".
While every team is allowed two heterosexuals in its ranks, D2 got creative and fielded a further three bisexuals - presumably "switch hitters". "This is the Gay World Series, not the Bisexual World Series," said one official.
D2's three bisexuals are claiming more than $75,000 each in damages for emotional distress. And they want the team's second place trophy restored.
Beastly time for Manu
Manu Vatuvei has explained the mystery of the bushy rodent peaking out from the back of his head during last Friday night's victory over the Titans - he forgot to ask his wife to plait his rat's tail. "When I got [to the stadium] I felt it and it was all over the place. I was like 'oh man, it is going to be over'. I wanted to cut it straight away."
But is he really dead?
Sporting legend Barry Bremen, aka "the Great Imposter", has died, aged 64.
Bremen's preferred sport?
Blagging. The insurance salesman from Michigan posed as a sports star at major events.
His crowning achievements included playing a practice round with Fred Couples and Curtis Strange before the US Open golf in 1985. He also faked it as a player in MLB and NBA All-Star games and did a stint as an umpire in the World Series.
His greatest achievement: performing as a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys. Bremen lost 10kg, practised drag routines with his wife, shaved his legs and had a costume custom-made. He ran on to the field in hot pants, false boobs and a blond wig, and managed one routine before he was hogtied and marched off.
Bremen inspired many to get into the art of sporting mimicry. In fact, Stephen Brett pretended to be a first five-eighth for two seasons with the Blues.
He'll be flat out
As England were knocked out of the Women's World Cup - on penalties to boot! - another plucky Pom is waving Britannia's flag. He's probably laundered it too.
Ben Walton, a dry-cleaner from Hampshire, has set a new world record for ironing clothes, hitting the stratospheric 75-hour mark, shattering his own extreme-ironing record of 60 hours along the way. Walton's tip for good ironing technique: "Plenty of steam and you don't need to press too hard."
I always felt when I first started with England that players - especially players at clubs like your Aston Villas - try to use England as a way to get to a top club. I think they are very selfish people. It was a frustration for us United lads.Former England midfielder Paul Scholes on the trouble with England. So the failure of England's Golden Generation wouldn't be the fault of the GG's many United players then, would it, Paul? Hmm, convenient ...
They said it
"You look at the likes of the French, the Argentinians, the Brazilians, the Spanish now, and we have seen it for 10-15 years - they are all hugging each other in the tunnels. They love each other, like there is a team and a camaraderie. We've never really been able to capture that with England." Isn't that sweet? It turns out all Gary Neville ever wanted was a bit of a hug.
"I'm a bit hot-headed at times and I am an asshole, but it's irrelevant the nationality of the rider if I'm going to get arsey with someone." British cyclist and HTC-Highroad team member Mark Cavendish acknowledges that he's an asshole, albeit an open-minded one.
"We won't release a player until we get suitable terms with both the player and his agent." Neil Sorenson, of the NZRU, states the obvious on McAlistergate, setting a good precedent.
"Don't anoint him the crown prince just yet. He has only just won his first major. When he wins two, three or four you can say this is the guy to watch. Until that day, he is just one of a number of very talented players." Jack Nicklaus on Rory McIlroy.
"Give me a call - we need to chat." Peace breaks out in the post-Origin handbag slap as Mal Meninga texts Ricky Stuart. Can you imagine what Mal looks like when texting?
Book Review
Ali's Utterly Unreliable Guide to the 2011 World Cup
Ali Williams and James Griffin
Hodder Moa
$44.99 RRP
Unless Ali Williams is stretching his knowledge to cricket or netball, I'm guessing the title refers to the Rugby World Cup.
His previous book, Ali's Book of Tall Tales, was a bestseller and the All Black lock returns to offer his take on a tournament most New Zealanders will be well versed in by now.
Written in the style you'd expect from the larrikin 61-test veteran, who can remain serious for the length of time it takes to complete a lineout, it offers a lighter look at a tournament that could again end in dark days for New Zealand.
Locking up with James Griffin, a columnist for the Weekend Herald's canvas magazine and writer of Outrageous Fortune and Sione's Wedding, the All Black tackles the tournament from all angles touching on topics as varied as how Russia can win the Cup to meteorological reports for each venue - all with a decent dose of taking the mickey.
The book also features breakdowns of the previous six tournaments, with a good but brief overview by Williams of his previous two Cup appearances, a list of his best World Cup players of all time and even a quiz for the egg-chasing eggheads out there; which all ensure the book has a potentially longer shelf life than October 23.
There's a humorous take on a possible sequel to Invictus with Zac Efron playing Jeff Wilson and Matthew McConaughey as Josh Kronfeld, while an essay comparing the New Zealand and Australian anthem is a clever piece of writing - though at a wild guess I'd say the professional writer not the All Black lock wrote them.
The book does live up to its unreliable tag - the All Blacks beat Canada 29-13 in 1991 not 19-13, but this is a fresh look at a tournament that will be covered from every angle in the next 56 days, if it hasn't been already.
- Cameron McMillan
Email: supersport@nzherald.co.nz. Follow on Twitter: SuperShortsNZ
How the players rated in the first test between the All Blacks and French.