Supershorts: 6 May

Goodbye, Osama
With the world's most famous Arsenal fan gunned down by US Navy Seals, let's reflect upon some of Osama bin Laden's sporting proclivities.

The man who headed the FBI's most wanted list became an Arsenal fan while living in London from 1993-94.

In that time he only attended four matches, but was impressed enough to get a signed Ian Wright shirt for his son Abdullah. One biography claims that Bin Laden told a friend he had never experienced such a passionate crowd as at Highbury - which makes you wonder if he really went there at all.

When, shortly after the attacks on the Twin Towers, news of his being an Arsenal supporter emerged, the club banned bin Laden from their ground. "Clearly he wouldn't be welcome at Highbury in the future," said a club spokesman.

Fans reacted with more enthusiasm, adding to their limited repertoire of chants this gem: "Osama-wo-oh-oh-oh! He's hiding near Kabul! He loves the Arsenal!"

Goodbye, Osama II
But was he any good himself?

Bin Laden grew up in Saudi Arabia with a passion for soccer. Childhood friend Khaled Batarfi said: "In summer, early in the morning, after mosque, we'd come together to play football. We would argue amongst ourselves - 'this was a foul, that was a goal'. He was the only one who wouldn't argue, wouldn't fight. He would play just for the pleasure, but he refused to get into any argument with any of us."

Clearly, he was bonkers.

As a schoolboy, Bin Laden was said to have been a decent goalkeeper, but his bodyguard for four years, Nasser al-Bahri, says in later years he was a handy centre forward, who would have been better if his turban hadn't got in the way when heading the ball. Seriously.

Goodbye, Safe Hands
Like many Arsenal fans, bin Laden devised a scheme to blow up goalkeeper David "Safe Hands" Seaman in his later cack-handed years at the club.

The al-Qaeda mastermind's plan would have seen England players attacked during a World Cup match against Tunisia at Marseille's Stade Velodrome, in France 1998.

In a letter, al-Qaeda member Ahmed Zaoui explained Bin Laden's plan: "The Sheikh, may God bless him, asks that we observe the movements of David Seaman, the goalkeeper, Alan Shearer, the most famous player, and the trainer, [Glen] Hoddle. Also, thanks be to God, his attention has been drawn to two younger players who are becoming well known, David Beckham and Michael Owen ... we suggest that the point man for the mission should make his way to Seaman and blow himself up. This will be the signal for the other Brothers to start the rest of the operation."

Goodbye, Henry
Britain's favourite boxer, Sir Henry Cooper, died this week. He's remembered as the first man to put Muhammad Ali (then Cassius Clay) on his backside. In front of 35,000 people at Wembley in June 1963, Ali, not yet world champion, predicted he would win inside five rounds, but at the end of the fourth Cooper caught him with his celebrated left hook - "'Enry's 'ammer".

"Cooper hit me so hard, my ancestors in Africa felt it," said Ali, who was saved by the bell and some sly work by his trainer Angelo Dundee.

Sitting in his corner dazed, Ali was spared a quick return to the ring by Dundee, who tore open a split in one of his gloves. The several minutes it took to get new gloves from his changing room gave Ali time to recover.

GOOD WEEK

Baerke van der Meij
The toddler has a 10-year soccer contract after impressive kicking skills in a YouTube video. VVV-Venlo said: "The toddler's favourite position has not yet been determined."

BAD WEEK

Digby Ioane
The Reds back has apologised after going on Twitter to call Kiwi whistler Keith Brown "the worst ref ever" following a last-minute penalty that gave the Hurricanes victory.

THE NUMBER

36
People sent off by ref Damian Rubino when Victoriano Arenas played Claypole, in Argentina. That's all players, substitutes, coaches and technical staff.

THEY SAID IT

"He was a big fat mistake. Rather than the super scorer we hoped for, we acquired a super size, a player devoted to filling his belly more than filling the net. As time went by he grew bigger and bigger and although in time he made a great effort to slim down, he'd passed the waistline of no return."

West Ham vice-chairman Karren Brady thanks Benni McCarthy for his (no goals in 14 appearances) spell with the club, as he exited with a $4.3 million pay-off, after already paying the club $425,000 in fines for being overweight.

"I don't want this to turn into a gym for Weight Watchers."

West Ham manager Avram Grant reluctantly agrees to let Benni McCarthy continue to train with the club.

"I don't really know when I last spoke to him - but he's got a lot on his plate at the moment."

McCarthy on his lack of communication with Grant. Not as much as you've been piling on to your plate, pal ...

"I'm looking forward to seeing Sonny Bill against a Jean de Villiers and a Jaque Fourie, who can cut down [his] space ... and on the inside you've got big, hard tackles coming in from a Schalk Burger. See [whether] the boxer can box then, or the dancer can dance."

Springbok coach Peter de Villiers on SBW as the Crusaders reach South Africa.

"Those who know about football know that Barcelona are very well protected. We just have to live with these injustices. If things don't improve we should just stay home and let Barcelona play by themselves."

Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo gets into the spirit of Hell Classico.

"The centenary only comes around every 100 years."

NZRU chief executive Jim Doyle gets to the heart of the matter.