Supershorts: 29 April

Spanish lessons, Italian wives and, of course, Romanian yachts ...

Spanish lessons in losing
Highlights from Jose Mourinho's demonstration of grace in defeat following yesterday's 2-0 Champions' League loss to Barcelona.

1) Never sound bitter:
"It disgusts me to live in this world."

2) Pay tribute to the opposition coach:
"One day, I would like Josep Guardiola to win this competition properly."

3) Pay tribute to the referee:
"It could have been 0-0 tonight, but then suddenly we are down to 10 men and they have a free path to find solutions that they could not find before then: we could have played for three hours and they would not have scored."

4) Pay tribute to the opposition's preferred charity:
"The question is why? I don't know if it is the Unicef sponsorship or if it is because they are nice guys. I don't understand."

5) Pay tribute to the opposition coach (again):
"Josep Guardiola is a fantastic coach. But I have won two Champions Leagues. He has won one Champions League and that is one that would embarrass me. I would be ashamed to have won it with the scandal of Stamford Bridge and, if he wins it this year, it will be with the scandal of the Bernabaeu. I hope that one day he can win a proper Champions League."

6) Encourage the opposition to enjoy the fruits of victory:
"Deep down, if they are good people, it cannot taste right for them. I hope one day Guardiola has the chance of winning a brilliant, clean championship with no scandal."

Spanish lessons in winning
Another tutorial in good sportsmanship Spanish-soccer style:

Ballboys at Sevilla have been busted for throwing extra balls on to the pitch late in their side's 3-2 victory over Villarreal, just as the visitors were charging upfield on a scoring chance.

"Futbol is played with one ball ... some people should learn before coming to stadiums and ruining a nice, exciting game," Villarreal striker Giuseppe Rossi tweeted.

One ballboy dawdled when passing the ball to Villarreal goalkeeper Diego Lopez, eating up time. The Spanish keeper leapt the advertising hoardings to fetch the ball himself.

"What can you do? It's shameful," Lopez said. "It's a question of sportsmanship."

Italian lessons in marriage
Great news WAGs, Jacqueline De Laurentiis, wife of Napoli's president, has released a handy pamphlet titled So You Married a Footballer. A sort of user's manual for philanderers. She says the pamphlet will help players' wives understand how to assist their men as Napoli's Serie A campaign nears the closing stages.

"Your partner is a champion. Make him feel good at all times," she advises. And, of course: "Please, avoid unnecessary tensions in the house."

On the nose
In royal wedding news (and you thought you'd found an enclave from all the gossip): there'll be no nuptials for ugly Mike Tindall until he fixes his hooter.

Tindall is engaged to Zara Phillips, but the Princess Royal, his future mother-in-law, says he has to get a nose job before their July 30 wedding.

"She's a bit worried about how the wedding photos might turn out," said the English midfield trundler who has broken his nose eight times.

"The last time I had surgery, I had two metal plates inserted up my nose to keep it straight," he recounted recently. "The very next game, I was playing for Gloucester against Northampton and one of their players put in a high tackle. He pressed his thumbs on to my nose and ... crunch! The metal plates popped out on to the pitch. I'm not keen to do it again."

Rich man's world
In Romania, the Astra Ploiesti soccer club can't be accused of being out of touch with the grassroots fans. Billionaire owner Ioan Niculae, a former member of Nicolae Ceausescu's Securitate says the club's new stadium will have its own marina. "Supporters will be able to come to the games in their yachts."

Hot Dogs are for girls
Great news, sisters! This year's International Hot Dog Eating Competition in New York will feature a women's section for the first time. Men have won the title since the competition started in 1916. But pay equality must be on the agenda: the men's winner takes him $20,000 and the women's $5000.

That's no bathrobe
Reader Ray fills in the gaps on the mystery of Sky's NRL promo and why on earth two of the five blokes in it would be wearing bathrobes as they walk along the beach. That ain't no bathrobe, says Ray. "The leaguies are ex-Kiwis," he tells us. "Tony Tuimavave, Stacey Jones, Dean Bell, Jerry Seuseu, Jason Lowrie. Tony Tuimavave is wearing a traditional formal lavalava which is called an ie fai kaga."

GOOD WEEK

Lionel Messi
Forget the Champions League goals that gave Barca one foot in the final. The "Flea" has received the ultimate accolade: a 1.2m-tall statue of him made from 80kg of chocolate.

BAD WEEK

Jose Mourinho
After being assured by Pep Guardiola that he was "the f***ing boss", the Special One watched his Madrid team flop to a decidedly unspecial 2-0 defeat to Barcelona.

THE NUMBER

15 years, 27 days
Wicket keeper Barney Gibson becomes the youngest first-class cricketer in England, breaking a 144-year record.

"I didn't have £50,000 ($103,800) to get an injunction. I have been thrown to the lions and [told to] deal with it. I can't deal with it. I am coping with a lot of stress."

Former Miss Wales Imogen Thomas after breaking down in tears on television as she compared her situation to that of the married Premier League soccer player who served her with an injunction preventing her from discussing their affair.

"People always said I was the best-prepared driver ever as I was groomed and all that crap. It was absolute rubbish. I had to work bloody hard and I trained myself all of those years. I had no one groom
me to be as fit as I was or mentally focused. I never had a driver coach and it was at the end of 2006 they said 'we are going to give you the opportunity to drive'."

McLaren driver Lewis Hamilton is sick of being branded with a silver spoon.

"I've had to put it on the back burner for a while. But I do about three-quarters of the guys' hair here. They are all right, a couple of them are a bit shabby, but they don't mind it. If they buy me a beer then I'm happy."

Highlanders reserve halfback Aaron Smith, who has serviced his teammates more with his hairdressing skills than his dive pass this season.

"All this laughter in the media is prejudice against me as an actress. I can do this. If I was a lawyer there would be none of this fuss."

Brazilian actress Bella Rodrigues, after she was hired by ex-soccer player-turned congressman Romario as his parliamentary secretary.

"The reason they are so successful is they are dedicated and hard-working - they have the right attitude to succeed in the game of golf on the world stage."

Golfing great Sir Bob Charles on the Lydia Ko and Cecilia Cho show dominating the New Zealand game.