Supershorts: 20 May

Inflating significance
Sir Alex Ferguson has spent so long at the helm of Manchester United it's now easier to measure his stay in geological epochs rather than mere calendar years. With Bill English's Budget still setting our pulses racing, here's a fiscal testament to SAF's longevity.

In his first season, SAF missed out on getting the signature of Southampton striker Alan Shearer, who instead went to Blackburn for £3.6 million ($7.34 million) - a then record sale for an English club.

Today, with SAF's 12th Premier League medal safely on the mantelpiece, inflation and celebrity hysteria has boosted the record transfer to an eyeball-boggling £80 million.

They call him the Streak
We've all had that dream: running naked through a public gathering. US marathon runner Brett Henderson lived the dream - until a cop Tasered and arrested him for "public indecency" during Cincinnati's Flying Pig Marathon.

Henderson blames a wardrobe malfunction, a pair of borrowed running shorts slipping off mid trot.

"I kept fighting and pulling on them," he said, "and then the elastic gave way so I let them drop." As you do.

"All the other runners were supportive and kept encouraging me to continue, so I was running naked. I know the running culture pretty well and I know that anything goes on race day."

The winner of the race, happily, was a blind woman.

The ObLCG
The rest of the world was oblivious to its existence for the best part of 150 years, but now the sleepy Pakistani town of Abbottabad finds itself back in the news for the second time in three weeks.

The former hideout of the world's most-hunted Arsenal supporter, Osama bin Laden, is to host a cricket match between Pakistan A and Afghanistan.

"The main reason for giving a match to Abbottabad is because of its higher altitude and cooler weather at this time of the year when it is really hot in the rest of the country," a Pakistan Cricket Board spokesperson said of the May 29 clash.

Sepp I
It's been a busy fortnight for the Septic Bladder. Just the other day, the Fifa boss responded to claims of endemic corruption in the organisation against, amongst others, a bloke called Nicolas Leoz.

"I was shocked," says Nice Guy Sepp. "I can only answer for myself, but I'm fighting to clean Fifa - and zero tolerance is my battle horse."

Five days earlier, that busy schedule saw Sepp attending a dinner in Paraguay to celebrate Leoz winning his sixth term as Conmebol president, despite his being implicated in a $100 million bribery scandal at Fifa in the 1990s. "I am so glad for Nicolas! We are special friends."

Sepp II
Nice Guy Sepp's determination to clean up soccer could lead to a quiet chat with the referees in Argentina.

"There are even referees who charge at halftime," says former ref Javier Ruiz. "This is big business. If you don't pay [the referees] they are capable of stopping you passing the halfway line."

Guillermo Marconi, head of Argentina's referees' union, says an investigation should be opened.

"The situation should not be disregarded," Marconi deadpanned. "Just as there are corrupt doctors, lawyers, accountants, public figures and journalists, there are also referees."

(Corrupt journalists, hmm? We could point out a couple for a tenner...)

THEY SAID IT

"Made up man, made up. I was f***ing s****ing it all the way through."

Oasis singer, Manchester City fan and posterboy for moderation Noel Gallagher on his team's FA Cup victory.

"Rooney ya fat whore ill smash ya head in with a pitchin wedge an bury ya with a ballast fork ya fat ugly lil nonce."

An anonymous football fan tweets warm regards to Wayne Rooney.

"I will put u asleep within 10 seconds hope u turn up if u don't gonna tell everyone ur scared u little nit. I'll be waiting. Don't say stuff and not follow up on it. I'll be waiting."

Rooney cheerfully tweets back.

"Haha bit of banter and people go nuts chill all people."

Rooney suddenly remembers that Twitter is a public forum.

"I laughed like hell. I've been in Fifa for 29 years so this nonsense will astound people, I'm sure."

Fifa wallah Jack Warner on corruption claims.

"He may be a pain in the butt. But he's my pain in the butt."

Robbie Savage's mum, Val Savage, on her retiring but not so shy son. Until the arrival of renowned humanitarian Lee Bowyer, he was the most cautioned player in Premier League history.

"We are a mob without any fight in us when it gets tough, even if we win."

Fighting talk from Brumbies caretaker coach Tony Rea.

"No one likes to hear anything negative but that's the reality.

Rea gets no argument from his captain, Matt Giteau.