Pirates, bunga bunga and money machines on Planet Sport ...
Timing is everything
The Auckland Pirates launched themselves on an unsuspecting sporting public on Wednesday night. Nice idea, but the Breakers were playing the biggest game in the local game's history over on the Shore.
Arrr and d'oh, me hearties!
Guess who ...
With Rachel Glucina gracing SuperSport's rugby tipping
panel we feel it's appropriate to adopt the tone of "Guess Who Don't Sue" and ask who was the TV sports reporter who turned up at Steve Price's investiture and asked a print journo on the scene: "He's Lebanese, right?"
News from the Republic
Our South African bureau informs us that the Cricket Team Formerly Known as the Proteas have a new name: the Artichokes.
Cashing out
You won't often see Massey University senior lecturer in banking Claire Matthews quoted in SuperShorts, but she's bang on the money - chuckle - when slamming the decision not to have eftpos in Rugby World Cup venues. RWC boffins instead will have patrons at most games queuing up to get cash from ATMs.
"It is a much less efficient option," says Ms Mathews. "it also create much more security risk because you have to have the cash there, you have to deal with the cash - if you can have eftpos terminals that everyone can use you don't have to worry about cash, there's a lot more security and a lot more convenient."
Bunga bunga!
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi took time out from his criminal trials for fraud and making "bunga bunga" with underage prostitutes to state emphatically that AC Milan won't be making a bid for Mario Balotelli.
After all, the striker's negative moral image would be bad for Milan.
"There is a Milan code of behaviour that I don't think is very close to that of Balotelli," says Berlusconi. "He suffers distractions. I just don't like his style."
And if anyone knows about immoral behaviour, it's Silvio. Back in February, under the headline "Balotelli's Busty Beauty Badgered by Berlusconi at Bunga Bonkathon", the Sun told how the striker's girlfriend was cornered by the sweaty Italian premier. "He told me I had beauty and intelligence, I should go into politics," said Sara Tommasi. "I told him I just wanted to be an actress."
Another bloody mess
With Bloodgate hastily wiped up, the next big scandal English club rugby is looming, following claims coaches have been using radios to talk to players wearing earpieces under headgear.
GOOD WEEK
Justin Bieber
Pop music's floppy haired halfwit du jour joined the Barca squad for training. The club's website referred to his "surprisingly decent skills".
"I'm the next pele lol," he tweeted.
BAD WEEK
Peter Crouch
The 2m-tall Spurs striker was sent off against Real Madrid, sending the club spiralling to a Champions' League exit.
"It's probably as low as I've felt," he said from his lofty height.
THE NUMBER
693
Number of minutes played by Fernando Torres in a Chelsea shirt without scoring a goal.
THEY SAID IT...
"Man, I thought we had some crazy sports owners here in the States. Not one of them would have been so hopelessly unaware and obtuse as to erect a giant statue of a man accused multiple times of child molestation."
American sports writer Andrew Jeromski on Fulham's Michael Jackson statue.
"I have this self-belief that I can win against [Rafael Nadal] in finals, which I didn't do in the past couple of years. If I want to have a shot at No 1, I will have to play consistently well in major tournaments because I know Roger [Federer] and Rafa will do that if I don't."
World No 2 Novak Djokovic on the next step up.
"You don't have to go too far down the pit lane to know that unless we can continue to go down the path of controlling and reducing costs in F1 there will be problems ... if we don't do it then we won't have people to race against."
Formula One Teams Association chairman Martin Whitmarsh on the cost cutting that looms over the sport.
"We have to believe in him. We have to wait until he improves."
Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti on goalless Fernando Torres.
"The first time I stepped on an NBA court I became a businessman."
Basketballer LeBron James after partnering up in a marketing deal with the owners of baseball team the Red Sox and Liverpool Football Club.
"What a week for Red Sox fans. They may be 0-6 at the end of the day, but their owners have made a deal with arguably the most hated man in all of sports."
The Boston Globe on James' deal.
