Final send-off
New Zealand football lost one of its great All Whites when Grant Turner died this week, aged 64. The veteran of 87 caps was skilful, athletic and a fierce competitor. But along with all the effusive eulogies, it should not be overlooked that Turner also had a shocking disciplinary record and was infamous for being one of the original Bad Boys of the code, racking up misdemeanours and indiscretions nobody has come close to matching.
Most famously, in 1987, Turner was convicted in court of intentionally damaging a car at halftime in a match between Miramar Rangers and North Shore. The car was in the possession of All Whites (and, at the time, North Shore) coach Kevin Fallon. Turner was also suspended for 10 weeks and fined $500 by the national body (which owned the car).
Then in 1995, the Bay of Plenty Football Association handed Turner a suspended sentence of eight months suspension following a Good Friday burning cigarette-in-the-face incident at Mt Maunganui. Turner announced his retirement as a player immediately before the disciplinary hearing.
What they say and what they mean
After the New Zealand women’s hockey team were beaten 5-2 by China in the FIH Pro League in Wellington, New Zealand captain Megan Hull noted the following in her post-match comments: “We’ve got to take this as a learning moment for us moving forward.”
“Learning moments”, “lessons” and (for the grammatically-challenged) “learnings” are a reflective touchstone for losing team spokespeople everywhere. It’s one of the philosophic chestnuts of sport.
But here are nine other popular publicly expressed losing team cliches — and what they really mean behind closed doors.
● All credit to (insert opposing team) = The fluky bozos didn’t deserve to win.
● And good luck to them = They’re a bunch of cheats.
● We made too many mistakes on the day = We’re useless.
● They were the better side on the day = They are clearly the better side any day.
● We had our chances = We had no chance.
● There were a few strange decisions = The ref came out of their changing room.
● They were hungrier than us = We went to McDonald’s before the match.
● Moving forward, we know we have to be better = The selectors got it completely wrong.
Remembering the unforgettable
New Zealand’s epic test win over England by one run has rightly been described as memorable and unforgettable. But who remembers the only other one-run win in first-class cricket in New Zealand?
At Smallbone Park, Rotorua, on January 8, 1990 — in front of a crowd of several — Northern Districts beat Central Districts by the smallest of margins. Central, chasing 155, were bowled out for 154 when leg-spinner Peter Neutze grabbed his only wicket of the match by dismissing Greg Logan. At the other end, a frustrated Campbell Smith was left 90 not out.
Rap over the knuckles
A boxing fan has advised of a glaring oversight in last week’s pantheon of the finest (Kiwi-related) sports heroics while under an injury cloud.
Conspicuous by his absence was Kiwi boxer Ted Morgan, who won New Zealand’s first Olympic gold, at the 1928 Amsterdam Games. Morgan won the welterweight division despite competing throughout the tournament with a dislocated knuckle in his left hand.
