KEY POINTS:
When I accepted the challenge to run the adidas Auckland Marathon back in 2006, I never intended to write a book about it. My sole focus was staying alive long enough to drag myself around 42.2km.
The marathon was going to be a one-off - proof positive to myself and anyone else who cared that I had the mental fortitude to train for a gruelling physical event and complete it.
But it's funny how life works, isn't it? About a month before the marathon, I met some lovely women from publishers HarperCollins at my boss' book launch. He'd written a history of Newstalk ZB and we all turned out to help him celebrate. Combine free drink and journos and you have a party.
I got talking to one of the HarperCollins women who was a keen runner and she said "Why don't you write a book about marathon running for beginners?"
"Okay," I said, "just let me finish Auckland alive and we'll talk about it."
They rang me a few weeks after Auckland and over a meeting with my trainer, Gaz, and Lorain Day from HarperCollins, it was decided that a book would be written but that it would not end with Auckland. As Gaz said, "anyone can run one marathon; you have to run two".
Our book would include my training for, and running of, the New York Marathon. I was in a sugar frenzy from the chocolate lamingtons with whipped cream and raspberry jam - one of the advantages of running for freaking miles is that you can indulge in that sort of wickedness - so again I said yes. Sounds great. A contract duly arrived and it was agreed that the manuscript would be delivered to HarperCollins at the end of November, a couple of weeks after New York.
Gaz and I had a chat and we decided that I'd write a chronological account of my training - from the first 10-minute run in 2006 to the completion of my second marathon - and he would include the technical aspect of training for each chapter. He'd also write up a training programme at the end of the book.
Sounded like a plan, and certainly there was a gap for a Marathon Running for Dummies.
When I first began training, I looked everywhere for a relevant book, but all those I found assumed a level of knowledge I simply didn't have. And besides, they didn't address the important issues - like what do you wear for running? (Long T-shirt and short Lycra leggings.) Do you stop when it hurts? (No - get hard.) Can you eat as much as you like and not get fat? (Yes, provided you run for hours.) All those sorts of things.
However, the training for New York wasn't going well. I was injured and not running much; I was bored to sobs with the prospect of doing it all again and I certainly didn't feel like writing about it. There was nothing to say. "Went for a run. It hurt. Running sucks." I couldn't see that being the sort of book HarperCollins was after.
So I limped and moaned and groaned through six months of training and then all of a sudden we were in New York and it was fabulous and fun and somehow, despite my limited training, I made it through. It was a spectacular feeling, and I was euphoric - especially as it meant I would never, ever have to look at my running shoes again. I felt like burning them ceremonially in the back yard, except that I would have been responsible for a whopping great carbon sneaker print and we don't do that sort of thing in the People's Republic of Grey Lynn.
I came home and proceeded to eat and drink like it was an Olympic sport. I did no exercise and my running shoes became home to a family of spiders.
Oh, I was still out walking the dog every day and he was delighted I'd given away the whole running nonsense. A dog can't explore every fascinating and provocative scent when he's on training runs with his mistress. Now the dog walks were all about him, and not about me. I think my Irishman was pretty happy too that I was no longer disappearing from the house for up to 2 1/2 hours at a time only to return red-faced, frizzy-haired and snappy until my sugar levels had been restored.
So life resumed to some semblance of normality, and then I got the phone call. The one from the publisher. It was now the first week of December and I was looking forward to Christmas when the phone rang.
"Hello, Kerre," said Lorain, pleasantly. "Just wondering how the book's coming along?"
"Ah, yes," I said, "the book. Well, I thought I'd write it over Christmas. I'll be able to focus on it then. Won't be distracted by work and other stuff."
The temperature dropped. "I see," said Lorain. "I'm afraid that won't be possible. The contract said the book was to be completed by the end of November. It's now December and we need the manuscript."
Like a cornered rat, I fought back. "Well, you won't have it, will you, Lorain. It's not finished [I hadn't actually started], and you will get it when it's ready."
There was a long pause. "That's a shame," Lorain sighed. "We're going to have an awful lot of people just sitting around waiting for you to do your job. They will probably have to work through their Christmas break because of you."
The guilt washed over me and I was galvanised into action. The thought of little children waking on Christmas Day and asking "Where's Mummy?" only to be told that Mummy couldn't help them open their presents because she was proof-reading Kerre's manuscript filled me with horror. I found out later that Lorain had been an exceptionally good school teacher before she became an exceptionally good commissioning editor. She seems to have transferred her skills successfully.
I fair burned up the keyboard. I whipped Gaz into action and didn't feel nearly so guilty putting the pressure on him, seeing as he'd been responsible for some brutal torture in our training for the marathon.
I inveigled some of the other runners I'd met along the way into writing accounts of their marathon because we all found other runners' stories really inspiring. People run marathons for myriad reasons and face a wide range of different challenges along the way. I really enjoyed reading each of their accounts as they came through to me.
And then all of a sudden it was finished. The last challenge was photographs. As a book reviewer, I think it's a total swizz if people writing biographies or personal accounts don't include photos. But given that I'd never intended to write a book, and that I'm hopeless at taking photos, there were precious few around. I certainly never thought as I headed out to the Waitakeres at 6.30am, "Note to self. Must take camera to record myself running."
So I scratched around and found a few running photos, threw in a few completely gratuitous ones of me doing my MC stuff and the manuscript was completed. Mission accomplished.
And I was so excited when an advance copy turned up in the mail a couple of months later. My manuscript had been transformed into a real book! With a cover and everything!
My friends say they've enjoyed it. But that's why you have friends, isn't it? I hope it will be useful. It's a good place to start if you're considering taking up a physical challenge to resolve a midlife crisis. Gaz' advice is excellent and his programme really does work. I'm living proof.
So there we go. First the run. Then the book. Shame the movie Run Fat Boy Run is already out because I might have been able to sell the film rights.
* Short Fat Chick to Marathon Runner
by Kerre Woodham and Gaz Brown, published by HarperCollins, $29.95
SO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD RUN?
Personal trainer Gareth Brown, who co-authored the book with Kerre Woodham, offers his 10 top tips for anyone wanting to make a marathon.
1. Seek professional advice before starting running, in relation to running gait and technique to avoid potential problems.
2. Join a running group and meet a bunch of like-minded runners.
3. Write down a running goal and pin it on the wall.
4. Increase distance before speed.
5. Seek a well-structured individual running programme.
6. Have regular massages in the run-up to a running event.
7. Listen to the body and its vital signs when training, if it's screaming for rest it's highly likely it needs it!
8. Hang in there and don't give up. After the first two months, it will get easier!
9. Seek advice on the right running shoes.
10. Enjoy yourself and make the most of the euphoric feeling and natural high. gaz@getrunning.co.nz
