Wales rugby great Gareth Thomas: People leave restaurants when I enter since HIV diagnosis

Gareth Thomas in action during the 2005 British and Irish Lions test against the All Blacks. Photo / Photosport

There is an energy to Gareth Thomas which almost jars in its intensity.

One might forgive the former Wales captain – who skippered the Lions in two tests in 2005 – for presenting more world-weariness and lethargy given the trajectory of his life since he retired from both codes of the game in 2011.

This is not just the Thomas who won 100 caps and a Grand Slam with Wales. This is the Thomas who announced his positive HIV diagnosis in 2019; the Thomas who came out as gay in 2009 having divorced his childhood sweetheart, Jemma, two years earlier, with the pair enduring three miscarriages; the Thomas who at one stage had both Mickey Rourke and Tom Hardy considering a biopic; and the Thomas who, in 2022, was accused of “deceptively” transmitting HIV to a previous partner, eventually settling for over £75,000 “without admitting liability or guilt”.

Now 50, Thomas, nicknamed “Alfie” during his playing days, has experienced as many twists and turns in his life as the average octogenarian. A professional rugby career – during which he won a Heineken Cup with Toulouse – followed by coming to terms with his sexuality and then the diagnosis of a disease which was once marketed as “equalling death” in the western world. He was then sued by his former partner; and he married his husband, Stephen, in 2016.

Despite the distress and controversy, there is a conviction to Thomas which is, in many ways, quite admirable. We meet near Paddington Station because Thomas’s “Tackle HIV” campaign will be running a garden at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show in May.

‘I take one tablet a day and live a normal, happy life’

Reducing the stigma surrounding HIV has now become his focus, profession and vocation, given that perception and misinformation surrounding the disease has affected his daily life far more than any symptom.

“At 6am every morning I take one tablet and that is it,” Thomas tells Telegraph Sport. “It’s not a magic tablet. It’s not a ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ pill which some people think it is. It’s not a gigantic thing. It’s a normal tablet taken every day. I understand the importance of it but it has become a relevant irrelevance in my life. The fact it has become irrelevant to me – it’s just a part of my day – means I live a normal, happy, healthy life.

“Science and medicine means that people with HIV can now live normal and happy lives, as I do. I have a normal life expectancy. To get people to understand that as well as the importance of testing, of knowing your ‘status’, is what we have to do to achieve the UN Aid’s goal of eradicating new cases in the UK by 2030.

“Everyone should know their status for us to be able to do that. Knowing the facts rather than thinking you know them – from a friend in the pub or your parents’ testimonies from 40 years ago – and knowing the science.

“Sadly, the only thing stopping that, and kind of controlling me, is society’s stigma against the virus. That is the one thing that frightens me about walking into environments. I know, and my husband and family know, through sharing the same knife and fork or sharing the same drink, or sitting on the same toilet seat, that it cannot be contracted. Yet, when you walk into a restaurant and people leave... or people don’t want to share a drink or shake your hand. It has happened often enough for me to be aware that when I walk into a restaurant the next time, I’ll know if it’s happening.

“It’s not a case of it happening once and it made me afraid; it’s happened enough times that every time I walk into a restaurant now I feel like I have to assess, for my own happiness, or my husband’s, or the family that I am with.

“I don’t want it to happen again. And it shouldn’t. For me to have to assess that means that the work that we are doing around stigma is relevant and needed, for sure. It’s not just me that it happens to. I hear stories, I speak to people, I’m part of a community. I constantly hear negative lived experiences from them which match my own. There has been a lot of progress but we cannot rest on our laurels.”

Thomas is aware of the court of public opinion more than most. In 2016, he was excoriated by it for the alleged “deceptive” HIV transmission, which prompted a police investigation. But he does not care; outwardly, at least. He is of the opinion that he knows the facts and there is little that anyone can do to prevent the conjecture mill of social media from swinging into action.

In 2023, Andy Goode, the former England fly-half turned broadcaster, said it was “immoral” for ITV to continue using Thomas on coverage for that year’s World Cup. Thomas brushes off those memories without ever seeming rattled.

“The fact that someone had something to say – he’s more than entitled to his opinion – but it had no effect,” Thomas says. “It happened because of something completely different and I do not need to justify that. All of that is absolutely fine. It means nothing to me.

“It doesn’t stop me being a voice for a community which is not heard that much. I’d rather save 400,000 lives – potentially, over the next four years, that’s how many people could die globally from HIV stigma alone, not even the virus – and trying to save those is more important to me than trying to justify or defend what someone else has said, when I couldn’t really care.

“Every part of my life is a sense of growing stronger. I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear. Everyone is open to the court of public opinion. With social media, we’re talking about a loud minority, in terms of what they would actually say compared with what they decide to write. It’s either that I try to defend myself against a minority who do not know any facts and who do not know me, and who do not know the story – except, maybe, a one-sided aspect.

“Is it more important that I defend that or is it more important that I defend the community which I’m proud to represent? The ability to continue defending the community was more important than being a voice for myself.

“I am a proud campaigner, as opposed to anything else. What I’ve realised as a campaigner, just like rugby, is that if you’re comfortable and relaxed, then maybe you’re not doing it as well as you should be. You should constantly be uncomfortable and constantly challenge yourself.

“This [garden] was an opportunity to feel uncomfortable to deliver what is sometimes an uncomfortable message in a beautiful way, telling the story through a garden. I’ve used my life experience – with [designer] Manoj [Malde] – and we’ve created what is an amazing garden to tell a story around destigmatising and educating people from all walks of life at the Chelsea Flower Show.”

Thomas has left his rugby past behind, choosing to focus on more noble matters, but there is still pride and passion towards the state of Welsh rugby. The former centre was never coached by Warren Gatland in his first stint as head coach but believed that it was time for change.

That said, Thomas is of the somewhat pessimistic belief that this Wales ship cannot be “turned around in a short space of time – it could feel like we’re constantly chasing, playing catch-up”. But his playing days now almost feel like a bygone era.

“I look back on rugby as just a time in my life,” Thomas says. “I feel as though I’ve completely started a new chapter. Really great things happened to me, great experiences, but there were also times in my life where rugby was the worst thing.

“To be totally honest, I hardly ever look back on it. I feel that you have to evolve and reinvent. I enjoy being a fan. I watch it and use my lived experiences in rugby camps, good and bad, to try to figure out or solve an argument in a pub! Or to answer questions sometimes. Apart from that, it was just a time in my life.”

There have been plenty of those; and yet, whatever the public perception of Thomas, he keeps coming back for more.

The Tackle HIV Challenging Stigma Garden will feature at the Chelsea Flower Show 2025, designed by Manoj Malde. Tackle HIV is a campaign led by Gareth Thomas in partnership with ViiV Healthcare, with Terrence Higgins Trust as the charity partner, which aims to tackle the stigma and misunderstanding around HIV. For more information visit tacklehiv.org and follow @TackleHIV