Scotty Stevenson: Cold south wind sets the poet in me ravin'

'Nevermore' does not appear to be part of Crusaders veteran Richie McCaw's vocabularly. Photo / Getty Images

Once upon a dreary Hamilton, while we stood on grass and watched on,

As the players went through many a drill and dress rehearsal chore -

While we nodded, all us knowing, the players' confidence was growing,

For a familiar wind was blowing, blowing through the Chiefs' front door.

"Tis the Crusaders," I muttered, "blowing through the Chiefs' front door -

Only them and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I recall, I say (for it was only yesterday)

When titles seemed like something Crusaders won like none before

But that all seems so very distant - and this I swear is not a misprint -

For those wins are non-existent - they have vanished out the door

For those Super Rugby title wins have vanished out the door -

Could it be forevermore?

And then came the fearsome bleating of the coaching staff repeating

Orders designating duties, duly discharged aft and fore;

And if you were ever doubting this, the yelling and the shouting,

Reminded all on this fair outing of what exactly was in store -

Reminded all on this fair outing of what a match there was in store

Only this and nothing more.

On the sideline wheels were turning and the watt bikes they were churning

And Cruden called the plays on field, like all those times before

And then Sonny hit the crash ball, and his play set up the next maul,

What is this? He's in a lineout call! A surprise to all for sure -

The Chiefs have surprises for all of us for sure

This they will for evermore.

But we must stop and we must ponder, exactly what is happening yonder,

For the Crusade is led by that ageless Warrior who goes by name McCaw

And while he may not be the captain, you can bet Matt Todd has tapped in,

To every win McCaw is wrapped in; he's been here many times before

Oh yes Richie McCaw has been here, many, many times before -

Will he ever say "no more"?

Then, methought, what would be smarter? When it comes to Daniel Carter,

Do you leave him on the sidelines or let him settle this old score?

For there are some questions raging, as he shows the signs of ageing,

And the critics need assuaging - can he be the boss once more?

Can Dan Carter show us he's ready to be the boss once more?

Quoth the doubters, "Nevermore."

Suddenly there came a shaking, and the earth began a-quaking

For the trainers had ordered Ben Tameifuna to do a little more.

And with good reason did he rock it, for he's facing Wyatt Crockett,

And that's a tough right shoulder socket that he must pack down before

That's a tough front row the Chiefs all must pack down before.

Let's hope they stay up off the floor.

Much I marvelled at the battle that is surely bound to rattle,

When the second-rowers line up and come breaking down the door.

For it comes as no great puzzler, that the Chiefs will use ol' Guzzler,

And Romano is no nuzzler; neither shirks their job at core

Neither Retallick nor Romano ever shirk their job at core.

Look for jersey number four.

My mind soon turned to scheming as I stood there still daydreaming

And I thought of the head coaches who had done all this before

Blackadder's had his chances, though there've been no victory dances

And he's casting sideways glances at the golden days of yore

He's looking at the photos of the golden days of yore

And he's saying, "just one more."

And as for the man who lies in wait across the steps of the concourse gate

He's thinking of the fact he's won this match so often before

For while on balance the Crusaders, have been consummate invaders,

They've been shown just where gate is, almost every time before

Rennie's Chiefs have sent them home from the 'Tron, almost every time before.

And he's saying, "just one more."

Which brings us rather neatly to the end of this entreaty

And Edgar Allen says "Thank God this total hack has nothing more to bore."

And while the players will be straining, and upper hands they will be gaining,

They had better hope it's raining, lest there's no one at the door.

Lest the crowd stays home for cricket, and they don't come to the door.

Lest they miss it, evermore.