KEY POINTS:
No matter the depth of your skin or the desire to make amends, it takes serious ticker to confront a storm of public inquiry and humiliation. Banished Blues lock Ali Williams strode resolutely yesterday into that contest.
Several times he struggled to keep his composure.
His voice and lips trembled as he apologised for the rough edges on his personality and expressed his full support for the Blues and their quest on Sunday to defeat the Sharks in the opening Super 14 semifinal in Durban.
Williams refused to go into any details of the repeated breaches of team protocol which the Blues maintain left them with no choice other than to send him home.
But the lock disputed the impression his teammates had banned him. Splitting hairs, perhaps, but Williams said with squads limited to 26 players, when his teammates decided he would not be in the 22 for Durban, he had to be replaced on tour because the side needed locking cover and sent for substitute Anthony Boric.
That theory ignores the Blues option of using Angus MacDonald as locking cover and that they had not replaced injured midfielder Luke McAlister and could still have carried Williams in the allowable 26 squad members.
The day after he landed from an exhausting return trip to South Africa, Williams fronted a media conference in downtown Auckland with New Zealand Rugby Players' Association boss Rob Nichol.
"We are very conscious of the public interest in the situation, we can understand that and we understand our responsibilities and demands in that respect," Nichol said in explaining the lock's public appearance.
Williams exhaled loudly before saying he was extremely disappointed he was talking to the media in Auckland instead of helping his team in Durban.
"Obviously I have got a few rough edges that I need to sort out as things like this have arisen and for me it is about trying to be a better person and in turn become a better rugby player," he said.
"I don't intend things like this to happen but I think it is just my personality."
Nichol thought discussions between the Blues, Williams and other parties would be held over the next few weeks with lessons for everyone involved. There were misconceptions and misunderstandings and those needed to be addressed.
He mentioned that if Williams had been left out of the playing 22 in a game in New Zealand, the issue would not have gone any further, but it was complicated by the need to have a lock replacement and to keep the permitted squad numbers.
"That is something we want to make quite clear," said Nichol, "and in essence it is the same consequence on an injured player who gets to be replaced."
Williams said there were numerous episodes he wanted to clarify in talks with the Blues but he accepted he needed to pick and choose his times when his boisterous nature took over.
"I think it is one of those things I forever have to keep working on and developing but the issues I still have to sort out. But I have to take responsibility for my own actions.
"It takes two to tango but obviously I have put myself in this position."
He could not detail the particulars of his misbehaviour because he was not clear what they involved, though he acknowledged he was drinking the night before a game. He was still committed to New Zealand rugby for the rest of his contract this year but beyond that he was uncertain.
"I have a lot to give back to this game and to this country and I want to start by doing it this year."
Both he and coach David Nucifora had been working towards the same goal of winning the Super 14. He still hoped to be available for selection next week if the Blues were in the final and he saw no reason why he would not work with Nucifora in the future.
Williams' inability to help his side this weekend and the fact that came from his peers was "what hurts me most". It had been hard on his family but they were all working through it.
