Jokes lost on hurting Bulls boss

It is not easy being the worst team in the Super 12 as CHRIS RATTUE finds out.

It is 12 hours until kick-off, and another beating for the Bulls.

Well, that's how the story is supposed to go, and this particular story is being written before the Bulls and Blues squared off at Eden Park last night.

Fanie Vermaak has just had breakfast with the Bulls, and returned to his hotel room in central Auckland.

Some might argue that Vermaak has the worst administrative job in rugby union. Others would argue that he is doing the worst job.

Vermaak is the chairman of the Bulls franchise, in the rugby heartland of Pretoria.

"I spoke to the guys this morning and they are very confident," he says of his players.

"No one likes to be the joke of a sports competition, or a business, or whatever. But I believe the guys are strong enough to overcome those jokes."

Vermaak is even prepared to recount a current Pretoria barb.

"They say nobody should walk past Loftus Versfeld, our main ground. If you do, someone might grab you and get you to play rugby for the Bulls," he says.

The jokes are endless. Apparently, a leading Afrikaans-language newspaper has taken to calling the Super 12 the Super 11-Plus the Bulls.

And the record speaks for itself, although it is not quite as bad as many imagine.

A number of Super 12 points tables put out in recent weeks had the Bulls firmly planted where they supposedly belong, at the bottom. The hitch was, at the time, that the Sharks were actually last on points differential - but old habits die hard when it comes to the Bulls.

And contrary to the general perception, the Bulls (or Northern Bulls, or Northern Transvaal) have finished last just once in the six completed Super 12 seasons.

But that is little consolation for a team who have won just 18 of 67 games before this season, who are winless after seven games this year, and who regularly go down by the sort of numbers that make bonus points about as useful as tits on a bull, as the old saying goes.

If you are into curves, this is a downward one which didn't start from a very high place.

There are plenty of theories about why the Bulls are so terrible. Internal divisions might be one.

Just yesterday Rautie Rautenbach, the president of Bulls-feeder union the Falcons, attacked coach Heyneke Meyer saying: "I never supported his appointment ... Meyer's actions smack of provincialism. It's time for him to go." Charming.

Another theory, from afar, is that Afrikaans players do not travel well. The Johannesburg-based Cats are hardly happy travellers either.

Yet Northern Transvaal finished third in the first season of the Super 12, when they recorded eight wins. And the best South African Super 12 side, the early Natal outfit, was loaded with Afrikaans imports such as Henry Honiball and Andre Joubert from Free State.

Maybe the answer simply lies with their players, coaches and administration not being good enough right now. The four unions in the franchise, the Falcons, Pumas, Blue Bulls and Leopards, dominated the lower half of the last Currie Cup table.

What is clear though is that Super 12 rugby, Bulls-style, is not going down well with some of South Africa's most ardent rugby supporters.

With the Cape area, where the Stormers enjoy huge support, Pretoria is traditionally a stronghold of the game in South Africa.

Close to 30,000 people were at the first match at Loftus Versfeld this year when yet another season of hope began with all the uplift of a lead balloon.

The Bulls were beaten by a team almost as hopeless as they are, the Cats, who to add insult to injury had injuries galore. The Bulls now draw about 10,000 through the gate.

Chairman Vermaak, once a Natal administrator who is now also on the South African rugby board, does not hide from the effects of this backwards Bull rush.

"I was just speaking to a friend at home and he was saying rugby is no longer the main topic of conversation," he says. "People will watch golf or cricket now before they would think of going to a rugby game. We are driven by success, we're not good losers. It's part of our culture."

Sport is littered with famous losers. You can even find them in the animal world. One was a 16-year-old English gelding named Quixall Crossett who drew a great crowd to watch his 100th race over the fences without victory last year.

Who knows if the Bulls will get to match Quixall's 11-year career. Unlike useless racehorses, the Bulls do not enjoy the luxury of being lovable losers.

But as Vermaak says: "If we get out of this one day, winning will be all the sweeter."

* The result last night? Blues 65 Bulls 24.