KEY POINTS:
It's time for the R word. Rugby. And also Revolt.
First, this is an appropriate time to thank the Western Force of Perth for manfully keeping rugby in the news over the Christmas and New Year period.
Aussie Rules never sleeps over there and the west Australians have quite rightly decided that rugby doesn't need a holiday either.
And good on 'em.
New Zealand still has this antiquated idea that once the lads in black get back from the annual bashing of the Home Countries, it's time to fold up the laptop, unfold the tent, and put rugby into a sort of media blackout.
There are several reasons for that.
The three or four fulltime head newspaper rugby journos in this country are absolutely knackered by then and would rather eat nut loaf with wheat grass sauce for Christmas than write another word about the game.
Ring a rugby player over Christmas and you'll be greeted with a grunt, which is par for the course except over Christmas the grunt is delivered with more meaning.
The remaining rugby media types are sunning themselves at vacant cricket grounds or much better still, at well-catered tennis tournaments where the organisers fine players who won't speak to the press (although when they do speak it is often in Spanish or German).
If you ring a rugby coach over Christmas he'll be polite, but he'll still be looking at you strangely halfway through the season.
Help is at hand, because media officers are always available. But let's put it this way - if a media officer rings you over Christmas, the idea is to reply with a grunt.
These old rugby traditions are being severely trampled on in Perth, however, and all power to them because without wanting to spread too much fear and alarm, round one of the Super 14 is only a month or so away.
There are two stories humming away in Perth, the first involving their star playmaker - actually their only playmaker - Matt Giteau.
A string of stories on Giteau have alleged that he:
A) Wants to leave,
B) Is leaving,
C) Might not leave,
D) Wants to leave (again),
E) Doesn't want to leave (yeah right),
F) Wants to leave but can't,
G) Can't leave but wants to,
H) Is staying.
Whew.
The second ongoing rugby story from Perth is that the Western Force players no longer listen or speak to their coach John Mitchell, a former All Black coach.
On the plus side, his players' attitude will give Mitchell an idea of what it's like to work in the rugby media. On the downside, though, it's very difficult to get blokes to follow the game plan when they poke their fingers in their ears and hum Kylie Minogue jingles whenever the coach comes along.
According to an initial report, up to 80 per cent of the Force's 33 players no longer speak to Mitchell. In layman's terms this means that up to 26.4 of his players are incommunicado.
And as the old saying goes, it's very difficult for any coach to run a rugby team effectively when he is only on speaking terms with perhaps as few as 6.6 of the players.
Even the 6.6 players are unlikely to be chatting with Mitchell any more, since he's either been on leave or restricted duties while the Force management try to sort the situation out.
A subsequent story took things further and reckoned that 30 players and 10 staff issued a vote of no confidence in Mitchell, which is a landslide in any language. As to the cause of this unrest, it is said that Mitchell isn't too hot on man management. In response, the Force have called in a retired Supreme Court judge to investigate.
It pays to know your inquisitor and no doubt Mitchell will have already learned that Robert Anderson, QC, investigated an alleged drug scandal involving the Australian Institute of Sport cyclists in South Australia and by the end of it, the training centre had been wiped out and the high performance manager was no more. Anderson is also an expert in corporate affairs, which means he knows contracts inside and out.
Mitchell's best friend right now is his contract, and after his being unceremoniously ditched by the All Blacks after the 2003 World Cup, one suspects that it is an extensive document. In other words, it's going to cost the Force a lot to get rid of John Mitchell.
The club claims that it is quite unperturbed by all of this although deep down, when they aren't composing press releases, they must be worried. You'd have to be, considering that only three people out of 43 can stand the coach any more.
Yet one of the Force press releases stated: "While Mr Anderson is undertaking his inquiries, Mr Mitchell will remain the head coach of the Western Force but some restrictions have been placed on his activities as head coach in the short term. These will not interfere with the club's preparations for the 2009 Super 14 season."
Yeah, right.
Meanwhile Mitchell has asked for a mediator to be hired, in an effort to restore friendly relations with his players and coaches.
This demand for mediation looks suspiciously like another one of those glorious legal processes people use to make sure all the bits and bobs in their contract are followed and they don't miss out on a doozy of a payout.
The bottom line looks to be this. The Force had a chance to support their coach, but by restricting Mitchell and setting an investigating judge on the case it has ended any chance of that.
The situation is odd and untenable and the Force might as well cut their losses and give Mitchell a farewell bag of loot, or else they will really pay.
