Forget all this dribble about how either side could be a worthy winner -- that's utter rubbish too. Saturday night is for winners and winners only. Believe me, no-one wants the "hard luck you've had such a great season" post-match schmaltz. Coming second means you're instantly the only New Zealand side never to win a Super Rugby crown.
The 'Hand-Me-Down' Hurricanes kicked off the inaugural comp against the star-studded Blues in 1996. We were a motley crew of mainly 2nd/3rd div provinces led by the always inconsistent and forever underachieving Wellington province. Played some good rugby that night we did, thrilled the fans and came mighty close before inevitable defeat. We looked good, and lost -- a mantra that's pretty much defined every campaign ever since.
Try as I might I can't convince a single soul to support us against the Highlanders. Fans of all the other franchises want us to fail. They thrive on us being the nearly team.
So keep your misplaced surrogate support, we don't want empathy, don't need sympathy. Just understand that for us sad, tragic, hopeless and hapless 'Canes fans, redemption is but 80 minutes away. Which is why, if we win, you'll never hear the end of it. Because we know, if we lose, then neither will we.
Hurricanes 26 Highlanders 18. Eat it!
HURRICANES --KEITH QUINN (iconic rugby commentator and sports encyclopedia)
After years of deep sighs and shoulder-shrugs we Hurricanes supporters have a team to be admired.
They have gone from unlikely lads mired in disappointments to become a team to shout for - and for kids to get their faces painted for.
I live in an apartment and while our young residents love the team, it's the ladies of senior years who ask me 'how are the boys?' as if I know them personally.' They are referring now to 'their' team too.
Head the list of under-the-radar 'Canes personalities are the coaching staff, Chris Boyd, John Plumtree and Richard Watt. That's 'Boydie,' 'Plum,' and 'Wattie' to us down here. No disrespect to Sir JK, who we still admire, but we've never seen Boyd in an Italian suit with powder blue sneakers. Plumtree is a craggy man who lives for rugby defence patterns and the sour winter sniff of victory. And Watt perhaps sums the team up best - he is invariably at the games in shorts, beanie and old sneakers.
The combined media interviews of those blokes sound like echoes of Colin or Stan Meads -- straight to the point and no you-know-what.
And just as every dog eventually looks like its master, the Hurricanes forwards all now look a bit like Plumtree and Watt. Sure Victor Vito has an Auckland-ish haircut but we'll forgive him - he's very much a local and is playing so well. Look though at James Broadhurst, Jeremy Thrush, Brad Shields, Dane Coles, Reggie Goodes, Ben Franks, Blade Thomson and Ardie Savea. Did you ever see such a craggy lot? Mothers could place a picture of those blokes on the mantelpiece to keep the kids away from the fire! They are Munters from the land of Munt with heads down and bums up!
It's in the backs where coach Boyd has let his boys express themselves, so yes, there are a few smoothies there. Quite a few haven't yet signed for the razor sponsorship. But how young men like Nehe Milner-Skudder and Julian Savea have thrilled us. My ladies in the apartment now swoon at baby-faced 'Beaudie' Barrett, nippy 'T.J' Perenara, and especially that 'nice' Conrad (He's just 'Conrad' to them, nothing more, nothing less)
I tell you Blues fans, they're a team even you could come to love. And there's a rich irony from your perspective -- I reckon the glue is Ma'a Nonu. Remember him? The troubled ex-Blue and ex-Highlander.
Ma'a was born here in Wellington, went to kindergarten here and his schooling was out in the Eastern Suburbs at Rongotai College. He used to walk to school on cold mornings. Then suddenly in his adult life someone decided HE was the problem with our rugby and he was exiled to Auckland and points south.
Now he is back looking so comfortable in the Cake Tin and hearing the cheers of his people from the stands. It's Nonu who is leading the way - playing for them as well as his team mates!
This Hurricanes team has electrified our region like no other in modern times. The scramble for tickets has been not seen since the good old days of the Sevens.
At last we have a team worth following. They are not only winning, but the way they are playing with such speed and force has taken us all along for the ride. Those of you without a team to support in north can hop on board if you like.
HIGHLANDERS --GREG TURNER (Kiwi golf great, member of famous Otago sporting clan)
Thank goodness for internet streaming. Of all of the times to be in the northern hemisphere, when the mighty Highlanders take on the Hurricanes in a Super 15 final.
I'm competing in the Swiss Senior Open (golf for the geriatric) in a delightful spa town between Zurich and Lichtenstein. It is the height of summer with temperatures hitting the thirties and rather different from the recent minus 21 at Omarama deep in Highlanders country.
So what is it about the Highlanders that makes them worthy of a neutral's support? Excuse the cliches but they personify the "there's no I in team" adage. Their coaches and players epitomise the Musketeers' famous catchcry -- all for one and one for all.
Even their few, outstanding All Blacks are low profile. There has been no more influential player in world rugby over the past few seasons than Ben Smith yet he remains utterly understated and humble. Aaron Smith is the typical energiser bunny halfback but without the nasty, aggressive streak that some possess. Malakai Fekitoa performs again and again without fanfare. Lima Sopoaga and Waisake Naholo, cut from the same cloth, will soon join them at the elite level.
The forwards keep matching (or indeed outperforming) more celebrated opposition. But this happens in a tough, uncompromising manner without undue brutality. And who can fail to like a team that seems to draw the best out of cast-offs from the north?
The Highlanders also play a brand of rugby that is fun to watch. Perhaps that is down to the brilliance of the coaching, helped even by the controlled, uniform indoor conditions in New Zealand's finest arena at Dunedin. The players know what they are going to get for home games, and so do the fans. It's exciting stuff.
The team as a whole personifies the way that southerners perhaps like to see themselves. Tough, uncompromising and hard but fair, honest and not too big for the boots. Whether that is a completely accurate representation of the south or not is another matter of course, but we like to think it is generally close to the mark. People do sometimes question if there is a loss of identity in professional sport, and the Highlanders can be said to play in a way that represents their communities.
The supporters have been (generally) patient. It has been a long time between drinks and suffering. But most fans have remained loyal, helped by the team's grit which has mainly survived through the tough times. Too often beaten they may have been, but seldom easy beats.
I'm hoping for a great spectacle in the final. The Hurricanes' supporters have also endured plenty. Their team has more star power than ours but also plays a brand of rugby to be celebrated. May the best team win but I'm desperately hoping that team is from the south!
HIGHLANDERS --SAM NEILL (movie star)
Dunedin boy. Die hard Highlanders fan. So there is only one way for me to see this final.
And what's not to love about the Highlanders. They are playing the most attractive, fast, ferocious rugby of all.
In fairness, I've got a soft spot for the Hurricanes as well, and for the same reason. Thanks to two of our finest, I'm also very attracted to the rugby name Smith at the moment and the Hurricanes have a very good Smith.
I'm always for the underdog. The Highlanders were the definite underdogs in the Sydney semifinal, that's for sure. We have no star forwards, but we're lean and hungry as everyone saw against the Waratahs.
So where has this success story sprung from? I can't hope to answer that comprehensively but there is one tale to tell.
I was having a quiet morning coffee early this year in Queenstown. Eight or nine Highlanders players came in and sat next to me. I realised the guy beside me was Ben Smith. He was still. Unassuming. It was the day after a pre-season match in our neck of the woods. Ben talked quietly about the match, tactics etc. etc. Very quietly.
What was so interesting and impressive was the way the young, new guys listened, riveted. They were hanging on his every word. Respect. Mana. Knowledge. A team. That was something, I remember thinking at the time. When you see it, it's really something.
So bring it on. To my mind, this is the best final match-up in Super Rugby history.
