Chris Rattue: With Flavell, careful what you wish for

A warning to Canterbury rugby. Be afraid, very afraid.

This time you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Your unbeaten record is on the line, fellas.

The Cantabs think they know a thing or two about this particular game, but they could also be about to learn a few lessons from the master.

No, this isn't a preview of the Ranfurly Shield challenge from Wellington, as if you hadn't guessed.

Rather, this is a look ahead to another fascinating contest, a match-up between all that is good and sensible in this country and the forces of madness.

This is Canterbury versus, drum roll, firecrackers, cannons . . . Troy Flavell.

It has come to public notice that Canterbury have joined the queue to sign Flavell, who intends returning to these shores after a stint in Japan.

In the red corner, we have Canterbury, all brave and true, with a nearly unblemished record in signing anyone they set their sights on.

From Richie McCaw and league heavyweight Brad Thorn to any spare Fijian wings lying about, the Red and Blacks always get their men.

Hell, they even got Rico Gear into the Crusaders, although they were a tad lucky in that Rico had wanted to play for Nelson ever since he was a small boy living on the East Coast of the North Island.

Rico would come home from school, grab a glass of milk, stare lovingly at his life-sized poster of the famous Nelson Bays wing Brent Baxter and tell anyone who cared to listen that he had set his heart on playing for the mighty Bays one day. And so it came to pass.

I am legally bound to put this spin on the Rico Gear story, because to suggest otherwise might infer that Canterbury had a hand in out-flanking the rule book to get Rico transferred into the Crusaders.

This just didn't occur, and they were as shocked as anyone when Gear's Nelson move became known. Absolutely shocked, although, of course, delighted.

So, without patting Canterbury on the back, because it's not allowed, let's say you make your own luck and Canterbury are even good at that.

In terms of getting their man, Canterbury are at about 57 to nil, but their record is on the line because for once, they face a decent challenger.

For in the ex-Blues corner awaits the fearsome Flavell, hardly an angel on the field and a bit of a handful off it, judging by last year's events.

The amusing thing about Flavell is he appears to stroll through life with nary a care in the world, even though he's lighting fuses left, right and centre and the general scene looks like World War III. Flavell is a hand grenade dressed up as an innocent bystander.

His departure for Japanese club Toyota early last year was so chaotic that the rugby PR department didn't even bother putting up a fight.

Boy, did feathers fly, as new All Black coach Graham Henry did his darnedest to keep Flavell. But the precious black jersey was just another bargaining chip on the table.

Even Flavell's agent, Rob Brady, was befuddled over his client's dallying. At one point, yours truly got the distinct impression that the phone line had gone dead between Flavell and his handlers.

There were clandestine meetings in Sydney, arguments over what Troy had already signed, the hiring of outside scrutineers, suggestions of stout Japanese company men losing their honour should Flavell fail to turn up, plus confused coaches, administrators and media onlookers galore.

A cast of many ended up involved in a deal that most players manage to arrange in an afternoon.

Flavell's management team clearly suffered under the strain. At one point, the Australian division rang this newspaper threatening legal revenge after we claimed there was confusion over who actually represented our hero.

The bottom line, however, was a greatly enhanced bottom line for Flavell, as the Japanese haggled their honour back.

Despite promises of a glorious farewell speech, Flavell then set forth merrily on his honeymoon with neither a bye nor leave via the non-paying media - save for a cute little message from his wife on the answer phone.

Ah well. You win some, lose some in this media game.

The saga even had a sequel, as it led to a parting of the ways between Brady and the Australian player management company.

You'd wager that the Cantabs will be up to the task and nail yet another signature. But they have been warned.