KEY POINTS:
Week four of the national championship was a bit like the weekly grocery shop - quite a chore but ultimately worth it.
Those who survived the dross of Thursday night's waterpolo match in Whangarei and Friday night's snore-a-thon in Hamilton were eventually rewarded with a couple of meaningful
snippets.
Auckland's five-try 17-minute dismantling of Southland was a thing of beauty and a reminder of all the things that are great about New Zealand rugby. You could trawl through a whole season of games from the English Premiership and still not come up with a highlights tape to match the skills on display in that one brilliant burst.
If only Auckland had thought to space their outbreaks of genius throughout the entire 80 minutes, one would have been left to reflect that Saturday afternoon's game was a bit of a cracker. Instead, it was more like a Christmas cracker, with the budget contents inside not quite living up to the expectation created by the initial big bang.
These days, no game involving Taranaki or Otago really rates a mention, so pretend you didn't even read that sentence.
Mercifully, Saturday night's battle between heavyweights Canterbury and Wellington provided a few talking points.
Firstly, the disappearance of the Wellington scrum is a matter that requires urgent investigation. Having been pretty much rubbish at forward play for over two generations, in recent years Wellington seemed to have turned the corner. So much so in fact that, when the rotations were in correct alignment with the moon, Wellingtonians even began appearing in the tight five of the All Blacks.
But now it seems the Lions' once rock-solid scrum has scarpered, replaced by a loose collection of blokes who seem to enjoy running backwards quickly and being crushed into the turf.
Either the Wellington scrum has done a runner or - more likely - it has been stolen. The chief suspect in the disappearance has to be Neemia Tialata, who could well be planning to flog it off on the European black market. Certainly Customs should check his baggage thoroughly before he is allowed to depart for France.
Even allowing for the fact that he was playing against a team with no scrum, the performance of Canterbury starlet Stephen Brett was impressive. When Brett first appeared on the scene he appeared to be a prodigiously talented ball runner with limited vision and a kicking game about as cultured as that of that Fijian chap with the orange boots who occasionally runs around like a headless chook on the wing for Taranaki.
Enter last night, then, the new Mr S. Brett - a player who can not only score by waltzing through or blazing past defenders but who can lay tries on for others with pinpoint crosskicks and audacious no-look passes.
Whoever is in charge of the finishing school for first five-eighths in Canterbury, take a bow. Then take my son. He's only 3 months old so his basic skills need some work, but I've seen what you can do with potential.
Brett may have been fabulous on Saturday night but he wasn't the star of the show. As always, that was Paul Honiss.
Who needs players for entertainment when you've got Honiss?
His forward-thinking display was nothing short of inspirational.
Honiss is not only a man who can be wrong with the sort of self-confidence only the truly great officials possess (that Bill Harrigan-type: even when I'm wrong I'm right gift), but he is also a man of great empathy.
After setting the friendly tone on Saturday night by suggesting the players "ask permission" before contesting the ball, he showed he wasn't all marshmallow by sternly telling Piri Weepu that he "won't be told how to referee by you".
Honiss then rounded out a fine night by warning Ma'a Nonu about a silly but harmless late challenge by slapping him on the bum and saying: "Hey, be positive."
It was a nice touch from Honiss (literally), but doubtless Wellington fans would have preferred it if he'd adopted the same approach with John Schwalger as he was being dismantled by Campbell Johnstone in the scrums, instead of continually penalising him in front of his own posts.
If Honiss and Brett were the individual standouts, Manawatu's first win since being included in the expanded championship was the most meritorious team effort. The sight of the Turbos players leaping on each other in mass pileups each time they scored against the Bay was something to bring joy to the stoniest of hearts.
It's hard to imagine the All Blacks being more joyous should they win the World Cup. Sure, the weekend's rugby may have been a bit of a chore, but it's doubtful we'll get as much entertainment from the early rounds in France.
Or from doing the shopping.
