KEY POINTS:
If the NZRU is prepared to offer Carl Hayman a farm to stay in New Zealand, what would they offer Richie McCaw and Daniel Carter?
Presumably some deal would have to be done with Ngai Tahu to secure the rest of the South Island to keep the world's two best players in this country.
What if a player was offered a state house in Tokoroa?
It's clearly time to sponsor All Blacks like African children but with slightly more money than little Chetateech ever got. Or for the NZRU to start adding variety to their merchandise (there is a lot of black).
The NZRU may think themselves lucky that McCaw is 26 and Carter 25 - considered too young to leave. However, 27-year-old Hayman is planning to return to New Zealand at 31 (still in his propping prime) to play in the 2011 World Cup. What if McCaw or Carter get the itch?
They could leave after this year's World Cup when their earning potential is at its highest and return in 2011 as young men with superyachts. NZRU chairman Jock Hobbs would try to fight the itch.
For Jock, itching is a big issue.
Just as big a loss to the NZRU might be Crusaders coach Robbie Deans, who would take with him inside knowledge of the two star players he helped mould.
Poor old Deans can't win, except on the field. If he accepted an offer to coach Australia, he'd be branded a traitor by some. If he's offered the All Black job, McCaw or Carter might leave or in McCaw's case, one more knock to the head may end his career.
Deans has enjoyed much of his success with McCaw and Carter in his teams, as has Graham Henry. History may well look back at those coaches' achievements and, for the games in which McCaw and Carter played, an asterisk might be added - denoting the presence of two immortals.
That imaginary asterisk may be used as a weak excuse not to offer Deans the job as All Black coach.
It's the same imaginary asterisk that unfairly hovers over John Hart's achievement as the first man to coach the All Blacks* to a test series victory in South Africa. (*a team many say he inherited from Laurie Mains).
Never mind that Mains bumbled his way through the first three years of his tenure before everyone hit their prime at the same time. Mains, if anything, deserves more asterisks than anyone because his Otago team won the NPC in 1991 by beating an Auckland 2nd XV and because he never picked Waikato flanker Duane Monkley* (*the 100th time I've mentioned this snub in print).
But if you believe what they say in sport, only winning matters.
So Deans' stocks are still high. McCaw and Carter's too. But if the All Blacks keep losing their best players midway through their careers, asterisks won't make the NZRU feel better about test losses* and subsequent dwindling interest and prestige (*all the really good players were in Europe). See?
Lara joins list
Retiring West Indies cricket legend Brian Lara joins an exclusive list of great sportsmen with girls' names.
Lara joins Babe Ruth, Stacey Jones, Jose Maria Olazabal, Courtney Walsh, Shaquille O'Neal, Jessie Owens, Dennis Lillee, Zinzan Brooke and Sir Edmund Hillary. Honorable mention to Cory Jane and Kirk Penney.
Steyn makes mark
When Sharks first-five Francois Steyn kicked a 55m drop goal in Albany last weekend, it triggered a wave of exclamation.
But given the advances in other rugby skills in the past decade, long-range drop goals have been badly neglected. Steyn's kick should really be no biggie.
In the mid-'80s, North Harbour fullback Paul Feeney could drop goals from 60m - admittedly using a leather All Black ball, on a dry day, with a sea breeze at his back. Argentinian great Hugo Porta cleared the bar from 50m-plus all the time. So did Springbok Naas Botha, although often at altitude.
Why haven't players evolved their drop-kicking skills? Possibly because at any given rugby practice, some players spend their down-time spinning the ball on their finger - a skill that hasn't yet been used in a game, let alone to win a game.
Meanwhile, drop goals have won World Cups (twice).
* Footnote: There was just as much excitement over Dan Carter's inside-out sideline conversion. The fact is, the kick was not only wind-assisted and with the breeze flowing from one set of goalposts to the other, the ball was blown between the posts on a better angle. Carter's kick was nicely done but, as a left-footer kicking from the left of the posts, his kick was arguably easier than most sideline conversions which are a nagging test of distance and accuracy.
New jersey
Sounds like the All Black jersey will finally become the All Black T-shirt at an official unveiling on Thursday.
Even recent skin-tight versions have included a V-neck and Chinese collar (see picture). But this time it's understood adidas has dispensed with that and gone with a round collar, which will roughly follow the line of the new haka's throat-slitting gesture.
