KEY POINTS:
Nobody has bothered to tell the French that PDAs (public displays of affection) are unacceptable. We're not talking a few hormonal kids here either; this is genuine adult-on-adult action.
Twice recently on the TGV high speed train - I have seen things that just wouldn't wash in New Zealand.
On a trip from Paris to Marseille a mid 30-something couple in front of me were kissing in the dining car. I'm not talking hand-holding and the odd peck here and there, but the full-on tongue scraping the tonsils action. They say Spanish is the loving tongue but this Frenchman wasn't yet conceding the title.
My first instinct was to avert my eyes and leave them to their lust but it was like an accident on the Newmarket flyover - I felt strangely compelled to see just how bad it was going to get.
My second instinct was to alert my colleague to the show. He was facing me with his back to the couple so I was performing those really mature eyebrow-raising, head-nodding actions to get him to turn around discreetly. However, said colleague was more interested in setting a land-speed record for downing pain au chocolates.
On a return journey to Paris, again on the TGV, and even more outlandish exchange took place across the aisle from me. I noticed a matronly 50-plus woman was doing the crossword across from her companion. She had a big grin on her face and I soon realised it was because the clue for one down was a seven-letter word for something you wouldn't see in a family show (4-3).
If that is too obscure I'll conclude by saying her skirts were moving and there was no draught.
I wouldn't call myself a prude necessarily but surely this was a bridge too far. It wasn't just the act but the age - shouldn't she have been busy knitting booties for her grandchildren?
I'll take a country any day where holding hands in the back row of the movies is still morally questionable.
