Bevan Rapson: Crisis of Rugby World Cup injuries to test the fans

After Dan Carter's shocking injury, All Black fans need to be more aware. Photo / Getty Images

Don't panic, but just when everything was going so smoothly, we've got an injury crisis to deal with - and I'm not talking about Carter and McCaw.

Days out from the quarter-finals, reports are flooding in of fans whose bodies haven't stood up to the rigours of sport at the highest level.

Medics have compiled a list of the potentially tournament-ending injuries and conditions that are striking down supporters in alarming numbers.

* Flash-mob haka tongue strain. When some of those guys look like they'll burst a blood vessel, they actually do.

* Head-gear heat rash. It gets sweaty under those wigs made of indestructible space-age fibres. And the inside of the rubber puma heads is a fungi paradise.

* Flag-stick eye trauma. It's fine being a one-eyed fan, but not in that way.

* Face-paint dermatitis. When they paint more than their faces, the consequences can be fatal. A full-body St George's Cross might look cool, but not on the coroner's slab.

* Mexican-wave shoulder. What do you think you're doing? You haven't lifted your arms above shoulder level since a certain sporting triumph in 1987.

* Cheap-seatitis. A combination of vertigo from being closer to the moon than the pitch and neck-twang from trying to see around the poles and 200kg security guys.

* Hug-an-Aussie syndrome. Just leave it at a hug, okay? These guys are away from home, desperate for intimacy, and quite possibly carrying a cocktail of Kings Cross-calibre STDs.

* Teeth-and-nail damage. As in grinding and chewing during close games. If you've drawn blood, seek medical and possibly psychological attention.

Much of the trauma has been psychological. You'll recognise it in the thousand-yard stares, the babbling and giggling, and the insane dancing to stadium music of the cheesiest kind. Some people really have dressed up as Napoleon, and you know what that means.

Anxiety, neurosis, and heartache are all familiar risks for properly committed fans. Most have had to recover from previous sporting setbacks, whether through counselling and changing their lifestyles ... or just by bottling things up, being deeply unhappy and becoming impossible to live with.

Then there are the nutrition issues. Match-day diets consisting entirely of salt, fat and carbonated beverages have consequences. Nobody knows when the next "Big Breakfast" at a cafe might be too much. Is your heart swelling with national pride during the anthem or as a precursor to cardiac arrest? Is that pain in your side the stitch or a sign your liver is about to explode?

With three big weekends to go, please look after yourselves. And remember, ending up in hospital attached to bleeping machinery won't necessarily mean a juicy women's magazine deal, not even if you're wearing fully body paint and a puma head.