Patrick McKendry: Time for rugby to set a good example and stamp out the bad language

Israel Folau. Photo / Getty

COMMENT

Two years ago, Barack Obama wrote one of the most liked social media posts in the wake of a far-right rally in Charlottesville, saying: "No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin or his background or his religion."

It was a message that originated from Nelson Mandela, and it continued: "People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love. For love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite."

The former United States president posted those sentiments after some nobody drove a car into a crowd of protesters who were taking a stand against white nationalism in Charlottesville, Virginia. It was then considered one of the lowest points of Donald Trump's presidency when he blamed "both sides" for the violence. He hasn't shown anything since to suggest it won't get lower yet.

Obama's message struck a nerve — in a good way — because not only was he speaking the truth, it was a message of hope. Hate is learned, and it can be unlearned. What it boils down to is language — what is considered acceptable and what isn't, and no I'm not talking about hate-speech here, just day-to-day stuff among people who should know better including certain commentators in New Zealand peddling a political agenda.

They would dismiss all this as "political correctness", as if that's a bad thing, but it's significant that those inevitably talking from privileged positions who write off what I would describe as "fairness" or "acceptance" are very rarely themselves part of a disadvantaged minority.

This all struck as significant in the wake of research in New Zealand and Australia which found three-quarters of teenage rugby players surveyed had heard words such as "fag" and "poof" used in the past two weeks. Incredibly, more than half of them admitted to using the slurs themselves. I say "incredibly" because most modern-day teenagers I've encountered have struck me as more progressive and open-minded than that.

But I guess it comes down to learned behaviour and what is and isn't considered acceptable.

This largely is handed down by one's parents who are, let's face it, significant role models, but peers are important too, as are to a lesser extent stars such as Israel Folau and, clearly, coaches.

Folau, who seems to be trying to martyr himself for his own social media cause, has rightly been castigated but the game must now address the more casual and careless use of language in the form of anti-gay slurs.

The research conducted by Melbourne's Monash University found what lead researcher of the study Erik Denison said was an "alarming number of players and coaches using the language. Coaches, especially, are normalising the language".

Messages promoted by the media are important, too, especially these days when views are becoming more entrenched and, in fact, sought after in order to attract attention.

A fear of difference and the pandering to a majority at the expense of minority are still rife, even here in New Zealand following the horrific massacre of Muslims in Christchurch.

The professional game has its critics who decry the loss of some traditions but in my experience of playing it and watching it closely for 40 years, the attitudes among the coaches in instilling the right skills and attitudes have never been better.

Rugby has always been a game for all shapes and sizes — that's what makes it so special. Now it's time for New Zealand Rugby and their Australian counterparts to continue their good recent work in this area to stamp out the bad and damaging language, too, so it's inclusive on every level.