KEY POINTS:
A disturbing trend is growing up around Air New Zealand Cup rugby. It's the parade of the apologists, berating those of us fast losing interest in our rather limp domestic competition for being over-expectant.
Some cheerleader on the radio was the latest to thump this particular tub. Ramp
down our expectations, he cried. If we approached the competition with the right attitude, we'd enjoy it more.
He sniffed at those criticising the competition's quality. He was sick of hearing it, he said. All that was required was to change perspective; to accept the old days had gone; and adjust our critical faculties to the right frequency of acceptance.
This is grade-A, high-quality, world-class piffle.
Marketing any sport - or anything, come to that - by requiring the audience to downgrade expectations reminds me of that wonderful saying of the British broadcaster and wit, Humphrey Lyttelton, who said: "The fluffy newborn chick of hope tumbles from the eggshell of life and splashes into the hot frying pan of doom."
If it looks crap, smells crap and feels crap, then it almost indisputably is crap. The Air NZ Cup qualifies in all criteria with the honourable current exception of Wellington. Knowledgeable Kiwis can see it, smell it and feel it.
Let's not forget this is not exactly unplanned. Between issues like cost, player welfare and too many test matches, the provincial competition was always going to change. The game in this country cannot sustain a professional game at three levels.
The NZRU has had to take this step. They baulked at knocking down the number of teams a few years ago, creating the current schemozzle. Now they are moving ahead with creating a more even competition.
The only problem is that they are doing it by downgrading matters. No All Blacks, no drawcards and a drop in quality - as noted by All Black coach Graham Henry - means an indisputable drop in interest.
The issue is not whether support will be lost but how much blood will be shed as the NZRU performs the necessary surgery to transform a proud tradition of inter-provincial rivalry into the new club rugby.
Somehow the NZRU must manage this transition alongside other enormous issues like the Super 14 expansion and retention of interest and large slabs of test rugby being reduced to mostly forgettable Tri Nations clashes (I am exempting this year's Henry-Deans clashes for obvious reasons but what would we have if we didn't have that?) and the vexed issue of meaningless tests.
From that list alone, it is clear the game faces a real struggle here to maintain its dominant status. But, never mind, if rugby did ever slip from its exalted station (or should that be 'slipped further'?), we'd get a broadcaster telling us everything is all right as long as we hold our mouths a certain way.
The NZRU are not to blame but might like to tell their broadcasting partners about reality. Does wonders for the credibility.
Still, broadcasters haven't got this on their own. During the Beijing Olympics, one newspaper columnist felt moved to question the validity of silver and bronze medallists. Nowhere, he said, will you see so many people excited about losing.
"The Olympics may be a grand sporting carnival but the indecent amount of kudos given to meritorious losers actually bastardises sport," he wrote. "Whatever happened to winner-take-all and nobody remembers who came second on Monday?
"It's not the athletes' fault third is considered almost as good as a win. It's the fault of the Olympics itself, with its ridiculously inclusive three-medal system. Over-celebration of second and third has reached ridiculous levels at these Olympics. If it was up to me, second would get a salad bowl and third would get a two-for-one DVD rental voucher."
Even accepting that some people write columns purely for effect, this brought three things to mind:
1. This bloke should go to the bathroom, pick up one of those plunger things, apply it to his mouth and keep pumping until whatever part of his brain prompted him to write this stuff is extracted.
2. He should think about not being a sportswriter. Anyone who can't see the drama and inherent heroism of silver and bronze medals might want to do something else. Like being a lift attendant.
3. Another broadcaster, Clive Anderson, did a famous rark-them-up interview with the Beegees in the 1990s, with the group walking out after Anderson notoriously said: "You're hit writers - one letter short, but still..."
