KEY POINTS:
Glory years: None.
2006 finish: 9th (W3 D1 L5).
Best result: Beat Counties-Manukau 51-29 in round 3.
Worst result: Lost 45-0 to Canterbury in round 1.
Dearly departed: Ben Allen, Nui Bartlett, Tafai Ioasa, Jacob Kennedy, Nathan Mauger, Karl Mudzamba, Donovan Nepia, Mutu Ngarimu, Davis Norman, Wirihana Raihania, Chad Shepherd.
Holidaying in France: None.
New kids on the block: Ben Batger, Chris Eaton, Matt Egan, Zac Guilford, Jamie Muir, George Naoupu, James Rosenberg, Jason Shoemark, Grant Webb.
Old stagers: Honestly, who cares? Some bloke called Michael has played a few games. Yawn.
Shooting star: Um, I'm not going to lie. Pretty much no one I fancy in this mob. Danny Lee is on the wrong side of 30 but he played okay in that test we lost to England at Twickers back in the days when the All Blacks took weakened teams on tours and no one batted an eyelid.
Coaches count: Peter Russell takes over from the sacked Brendon Ratcliffe. A big deal in the Bay that, apparently. Wow.
Quirks of the draw: Will travel to three of the four South Island sides. The only exception is Otago, whom they don't play at all, meaning not a single southern side will visit Napier, which is lovely this time of year. Home: Wellington, North Harbour, Auckland, Northland, Waikato. Away: Southland, Tasman, Counties-Manukau, Canterbury, Waikato. Not playing: Otago, Bay of Plenty, Taranaki.
Scouting report
Crikey, this lot won both of their pre-season encounters, dispatching Taranaki (27-7) and BoP (17-12). Taranaki thrashed Waikato, meaning the Magpies are on form to win the whole shooting match. But I'll stick my neck out and say they won't.
Prospects
Have replaced a bunch of blokes no one's ever heard of with another bunch of blokes whose names haven't graced too many dinner tables outside of Napier and Hastings. The exception is Nathan Mauger, whose loss will be a ... er, significant blow.
Then again, who says anonymity has to mean mediocrity? Well me, actually. If these guys do better than 11th I'll resign, shave my head and spend the rest of my days on an avocado orchard in Nepal watching re-runs of Matthew Ridge reality TV programmes.
Prediction: 11th. Maybe 10th. Gulp.
