KEY POINTS:
A word from our Irish friends, discussing whether there is any reason for the Lions to exist: "I don't see the point in having 4 teams, including the World Cup winners, joining up to beat one team." At least they're confident.
27.4.05
The Nonu eye make-up debate is still raging on a UK Lions website, provoking some enlightened views. But one poster fights back on Nonu's behalf, saying: "He can play in a dress for all I care." He'll no doubt be grateful for the fashion suggestion.
26.4.05
All Blacks fans would like to pass on their condolences on the sad decline of English rugby, as shown by the Six Nations performance of the national side and the French domination of the European club competition. Leicester were the last English side knocked out of the Heineken Cup at the weekend and the sight of all those out of form, unfit Englishmen will have brought a lump to every New Zealander's throat.
22.4.05
Cynics who claim the Lions Tour has lost some of its old spirit may be given fuel for their fires with news that clubs in both France and Wales are planning to keep their players back, preventing them playing in the opening games in New Zealand. Clive Woodward was his usual blunt self, saying: "The professional game has moved on, the Lions series is all about the test matches." The provinical unions will no doubt be delighted at him stating such a view six weeks out from the start of the tour.
20.4.05
Sir Clive says, following his first meeting of the Lions squad, that he wants the players to act as ambassadors for their countries. Does this mean we can expect them to turn-up at local schools and community events without charging a $10,000 fee to get out of bed?
19.4.05
Remarkably, the Lions game against Otago in Dunedin on June 18 is proving the least popular, with almost 13,000 tickets still available. It has been suggested this is because fans are less keen to travel down south due to the chilly climate and remoteness. It seems only fair to redress these claims and where better to go for assurance than the City of Dunedin website, which declares: "Dunedin enjoys remarkably good weather" and "Dunedin is a vibrant and exciting place to be". It would be churlish to mention that the same website carries a survey of residents' opinions which found that the city's downsides include the weather and "Poor attitudes - narrow minded, introverted, pessimistic, apathetic, defensive, conservative".
17.4.05
The tone-deaf attributes of New Zealand fans are being given a timely airing. First there was John Campbell on his show last week doing a mighty fine impression of a droning spectator lamely calling out "Wellington", and now the Sunday Star-Times has launched its campaign to find stirring tunes that can be sung from the terraces and put the Lions off their stride. It quotes some English fans' songs as inspiration, including the awesome "Ole ole - ole ole - ole ole - ole ole - ole ole, Neil Back, Back, Back". Unless we have a musical genius in our midst, there's really no competing with that.
15.4.05
It is tempting to wonder why the scalpers on the TradeMe auction website are bothering to advertise their Lions tickets as "free" gifts alongside a broken Jandal, map of Christchurch, etc. Given that the NZRU clearly has no intention of doing anything despite its tough talk, TradeMe doesn't care, and consumer experts say they are powerless, the whole thing increasingly looks like a farce. Lions fans waving their pounds and euros around will get the tickets they want so Chris Moller and Steve Tew might as well travel to London with a suitcase full, set up a little kiosk in Trafalgar Square, and flog them off to the highest bidder.
13.4.05
Graham Henry on TV One at 6.30pm: The selection of so many English was a surprise.
Graham Henry on TV3 at 7.15pm: There were no surprises in the Lions selection.
The Tour double-speak begins.
12.4.05
And so the great announcement is made - the Lions will have an average age of 64. The UK's Sun tabloid says the reason "Woody", as it insists on calling Woodward, has selected oldies like Back and Dallaglio is that "The All Blacks, to use the Dad's Army phrase, don't like it up 'em."
This comment raises the following questions:
1) Does the soccer-obsessed Sun have any idea what it's talking about?
2) If Dallaglio and co were already Dad's Army before the World Cup in 2003, will they now qualify for New Zealand's generous super fund during their stay?
10.4.05
Nice of the Lions to make their squad announcement while most of New Zealand is in bed (12 noon London time being 11pm in NZ). Would it not have been possible to bring it forward three hours to 9am local time, 8pm in NZ? Good old Clive.
8.4.05
A Lions fansite carries an advert attracting the Brits and Irish to Waihi while on tour and including a lovely picture of the sun-dappled Anzac Bay. Let's hope the northeners realise it might be a bit chilly for a dip in June and July.
7.4.05
Forget Richie McCaw, forget Dan Carter, we already have our New Zealand hero of the tour - one Peter White, a North Shore City councillor. Auckland community newspaper the North Shore Times gushes alongside a large front page picture of Mr White that he is single-handedly responsible for making the area the "Lions' den" (see note on cliches below). Twenty-six long paragraphs later we get the benefit of Mr White's prediction for the tests: "The All Blacks are tough to beat, but the Lions would be 'going all out to win'." Incisive.
6.4.05
The race is on to stack up as many Lions-related cliches as possible during the next few weeks. Currently in the lead are "Lions' den" and "Lion tamer". Expect plenty of "roaring", people being "thrown to", and so on before July is out.
4.4.05
There's a kind of inevitability developing around the Jonny Wilkinson debate: the English say he must be picked, the Welsh and Scottish say he musn't - mainly cause he's English - and the Irish just want O'Gara. No prizes, then, for guessing the nationality of this messageboarder: "As well as O'Gara scoring all the points against the USA (ha ha ha), wasn't it great the way he dropped the goal to win the World Cup in 2003, and kicked Munster to victory over the All Blacks in 1977, and sunk the winning putt in the Ryder Cup?" Kiwis meanwhile are desperately hoping Wilkinson is chosen, isn't fit, but plays all three tests anyway.
3.4.05
The poor little loves of the Lions squad, trekking across the world in first class travel with a personal masseur and someone to brush their hair for them, are not too happy at the idea of a basic fee of just £20,000 – a mere $53,000. Well, you wouldn't be for five weeks' work, would you? Sympathetic New Zealanders will therefore no doubt be hoping the Lions manage to secure as many of their win bonuses as possible to make up for this pittance.
1.4.05
The knives are already out for Graham Henry it would seem. An impatient supporter suggests we send the exalted coach back to Wales before the tour even starts, largely because he's boring. Most All Blacks fans would probably put up with Henry's dour appearance and bland media comments for another couple of years if he can secure a series victory and the World Cup in that time. If he can't, he can go and show his smile to the Welsh or whoever else he feels like sharing it with.
