KEY POINTS:
Ladies and Gentlemen. Next year's Bledisloe Cup will be held in [wait for spinning wheel to stop] ... Turkmenistan."
Gasps and canned applause hide the desperate rustling of papers as the NZRU delegate locates the fact sheet on rugby in that part of the world.
"Rugby is enjoying a growth spurt there," the official declares, with all the necessary sincerity. "They have 132 registered senior players which is an increase of 17 per cent on last year and Turkmenistan have been very competitive in recent Caspian Cup internationals against Georgia."
He continues: "Crowds have been solid at the Ashgabat Stadium which has received the full IRB warrant of inspection. The venue sits neatly as a midway travel hub between the rugby hemispheres while corporate interest in staging a Bledisloe there is high."
The joint New Zealand/Australian announcement that a fourth Bledisloe Cup game will be played this year in Hong Kong, puts future venues up for auction. The financial vulnerability of the transtasman nations has pushed them to Hong Kong amid smokescreen mutterings about developing the game. That's the job of the IRB and if the NZRU was truly evangelical, they would play tests in the Pacific Islands by now or embraced Argentina.
Foreign exchange rates have cut into New Zealand coffers; it has become more expensive to slow the player exodus to Europe; the provinces are haemorrhaging while the code struggles to retain its appeal.
Ergo, dosh needed - and in large lumps. The All Blacks are box office stars but cannot cut a decent wedge of test profits in Europe, so they sidle up to Hong Kong to gorge on some serious corporate sponsorship even if a four-test Bledisloe Cup series in a 15-week stretch is eking out the interest and expectation just a shade.
Why an extra test at grounds of greater capacity such as the MCG could not have achieved the same financial result is also unclear. It is also confusing that the NZRU bangs on about player welfare and then schedules another test.
The All Blacks are playing 14 tests this year, more than the career tally of such men as Alex Wyllie, Grahame Thorne, Pat Walsh and Bert Cooke.
While there is some lingering feeling that rugby has sold some of its soul in Hong Kong, it is a sign of the rapid evolution of the sport in the professional era.
Taking the Bledisloe Cup to Hong Kong follows the trail of the NFL who have played games in Europe while the NRL has showcased their code in the USA and the UK.
And New Zealand does have rugby connections, apart from the annual sevens tournaments, with Hong Kong. More than a dozen high profile Kiwis have played test rugby for the Asian nation.
But make no mistake, we are one step closer to Turkmenistan.
