David Leggat: Why Clive's Lions army is barmy

COMMENT

Every so often a sports item reaches out and hits you between the eyes for its sheer lunacy.

Mark Spitz trying to win a place on the American swim team for the 1992 Barcelona Olympics 20 years after his stunning seven-gold medal haul in Munich; Bjorn Borg, armed with his trusty wooden racquet, returning to the court a decade after walking away and trying to take on the space-age titanium tungsten carbon fibre, fat-faced modern weapon of destruction.

So it was with jaw-dropping amazement that we heard this week Lions rugby coach Sir Clive Woodward's plans for next year's tour of New Zealand. He intends bringing 44 players here, backed by 26 staff, an assortment of backline, front row, defensive, kicking, medical, media relations experts, plus his trusty Queen's Counsel. It's the biggest Lions contingent in around a century of touring.

There hasn't been a dafter move since the International Rugby Board announced its pools for the next World Cup about five minutes after last year's edition blew fulltime.

Now Woodward has been described in a variety of terms, not always complimentary. But he is nothing if not sharp-witted.

The Lions for decades, as with the All Blacks, travelled with 30 players - two teams worth with, by and large, a couple of players duelling for each position.

When the Lions toured Australia in 2001 under Graham Henry, they had 37 players. There exists a view that was too many. Players who drifted out of the test selection frame early on turned into tiki tourists. Surely better by far to keep the numbers down and the intensity up.

No, this 44-strong squad just will not do. Woodward has blundered.

He should have picked more.

The plan is for the entire squad to go to every match venue, but not necessarily at the same time.

Come again? Apparently there will be two coaching staff, Woodward and his assistants for the weekend team, another trio for the midweek matches. Six coaches. Plenty of brooms for this broth then.

Pity the poor support staff trying to keep tabs on who's in Hamilton and who's in New Plymouth? Never fear, with 12 people assigned to checking the hotel rosters it'll be easy-peasy.

Players scattered around far from the game-day venue? Newspapers can boost circulation by running Spot A Lion competitions.

But Woodward insists everyone will have a game "within reason" inside the first three matches of the 10 or 11-match tour.

I say why stop at 44? A further 22 and he could have had three separate teams, plus reserves, one based in the North Island, one in the south and one on Stewart Island.

Come to think of it, if this is truly to be an innovative tour the Lions could play three games on the same day, an afternoon kickoff in Dunedin - thus avoiding the hated night rugby in the far south - an early evening contest in Wellington before the main course in Auckland.

Close your eyes and you can see a crowded bar in Dunedin, Lions players supping their pints watching the night time clash on the big screen alongside the students.

"Hey Jonny, fancy a sculling race?"

"Sorry, I haven't rowed since school."

A spot of eavesdropping could also provide an interesting insight into inter-national harmony on tour.

"Why did you cut back inside, you Scottish twat," muttered the English prop.

Actually Jonny Wilkinson, assuming he is fit, will be among the elite group of standout players who are unlikely to be in action before game six, as Woodward has decreed.

Yet Woodward insists all 66, sorry 44, players will be in contention for test selection. That's heartening news for the fourth-choice second five-eighth. Just when he thought he was in for six weeks of sightseeing ...

So think again Sir C, I say. Why cut corners. Lions tours are special events to be treasured by visitors and hosts. The more the merrier.