KEY POINTS:
Peering through half-open eyes at the television pre-dawn this week, I noticed a line of news rolling across the bottom of the screen.
It announced with due solemnity that, "David Strettle is out of England's rugby tour of South Africa and is returning home" after what any self-respecting New Zealand sports fan knows as a bad bout of the Suzys.
The first thought, naturally apart from sympathy for Strettle's plight, was this: who the heck is David Strettle and what's he doing running across my screen at that hour?
It turns out he plays on the wing for Harlequins and this was his first England tour, if it could be called that. He's also played three tests, so shame on me for not instantly recognising the blond flier who apparently was a wizard at the sevens game as well.
But, sorry, his name might as well have been Arnaud Mignardi, Gregory Le Corvec or Julien Pierre for all the impact it made.
Nothing personal but that's what this off-season touring has come to, playing spot-the-established-test-footballer.
Actually, the state of health of the England squad is so dire, the splendidly named Topsy Ojo of London Irish was rushed out to bolster the numbers for tomorrow.
They're dropping like flies on the high veldt. Still, it's chins up and into the fray for England's collection of odd bods, who will try to make light of last weekend's 58-10 licking in Bloemfontein when they run on to Loftus Versfeld in Pretoria early tomorrow.
Just listen to the stirring words of England captain Jason Robinson: "[Tomorrow] can't come quick enough. We truly believe we can win this game." Fair enough, too.
The French presumably figure they're also a chance at Eden Park tonight. So they should, otherwise why bother being here? Why indeed.
Their coach, Bernard Laporte, has described this trip as "a bit of a joke". He'd rather be elsewhere.
Still, there are a few who'll fancy they can get Laporte pondering on the make-up of his World Cup squad at this 11th hour. Equally there are a pile who aren't even close to being there for the Big Show at home in September-October.
The aforementioned Mignardi, Le Corvec and Pierre are among the uncapped French players making their debuts tonight. Much has been made of the strength of the French championship. Will they grasp the nettle? You hope so.
The absence of a truckload of first choice players in these mid-year trips - not forgetting the Welsh, even if they did almost tip over the woeful Wallabies - has turned this into a month of treading water, of fulfilling obligations when the tourists would rather have their feet up on a beach resting up for You Know What.
So, too, would the fans on this holiday weekend by the sound of it. One chap, a dedicated rugbyhead, admitted through gritted teeth that he will be at Eden Park tonight, but only because of family obligations.
It's a strange time all round. As if being Strettled wasn't enough, there was the Reader's Digest Most Trusted People poll to contend with.
In the Australian edition, the first sports person in the list came in at No 15. We've got seven in the top 10.
Sir Ed is top of the mountain, children's author Margaret Mahy was second and Judy Bailey ninth.
Now this is not for a moment to query their importance or standing or trustworthiness in our society, but Peter Snell, Sarah Ulmer, Irene van Dyk and Hamish Carter (fifth equal), Beatrice Faumuina, Barbara Kendall and the Evers-Swindells? Why do we trust athletes and the Aussies don't? Go figure.
But here's a thought: if David Beckham can become Sir David, as is tipped, anything's possible.
As his mousy, media-shy wife remarked on the prospect of becoming Lady Victoria: "It's just so camp. It's wonderful innit?"
Beam me up, Scotty.
