Chris Rattue: Eddie the earache

There's nothing quite like the sight, or sound, of angry university types in full flow.

I should know, having marched around the streets of Wellington one night with a load of other spotty faced characters giving the Minister of Education at the time - the dishonourable Merv Wellington, as we regarded him - a full blast from our then still-healthy lungs.

After which, we trundled off home and gave the matter nary a thought again - having done our bit for democracy and the future of humanity. Still, you should have seen us in our prime ...

Anyway, bearing that in mind, the halls of knowledge seemed as good a place as any to begin a little tour of the mad, mad world of Eddie Jones - Wallaby coach and pre-match entertainer extraordinaire.

A Massey University online magazine picked up on this, in no uncertain terms, before the last test in Wellington.

And I quote: "Wallaby Coach Eddie Jones whinging again! This gets so repetitive doesn't it? He finds something new to complain about before every single bloody match."

Bang on, angry scarfies.

Most test weeks involving Australia start like this. Eddie holds court where we - and the match officials - learn about the evil deeds practised by the other team while finding out that Australia are a squeaky clean mob victimised by rugby's wrongdoers. And boy, has Eddie been an enthusiastic practitioner of verbal combat. No wonder he doesn't get on with Sir Clive "The Jibe" Woodward.

This raises the question - does this tactic of match-official manipulation work, or work against you? And, given Eddie's friendly performances in the past two weeks, has he swapped the tactic of haranguing for glad-handing? And maybe, just maybe (no promises, though) he's decided the refs aren't listening and is taking another tack.

When the proverbial hit the fan after the English test at Eden Park this year, with Sir Clive suggesting all sorts of naughty things about the competency of the officials, Australian linesman Stuart Dickinson responded to the accusation he had been media-influenced.

Dickinson revealed that after arriving in Auckland on the Thursday, he had not read any media, so as to leave his mind in an undisturbed (my word) state.

And, if anything, hassling the officials can backfire. If the memory is correct, it was the Australians who were nabbed for a dodgy clean-out in Wellington, ironic indeed considering Eddie had been pointing the finger at the All Blacks on this score during the week.

Maybe he has twigged on to a pre-match message of his own after all these years: prompting the ref doesn't work. It sure makes a pleasant change, although in one way, you can miss the Eddie of old.

For a reminder of the real Eddie the Earache, here are some highlights from Wellington.

"The problems in the tests [involving the All Blacks] against England, particularly some of the foul play, was because of the fact that players were being taken out off the ball," he opined.

"Players were being cleaned out and the referee wasn't taking any action [so] they had to retaliate," he added.

"If [the referee] doesn't deal with it then we'll have to deal with it as legally as we can," he said, continuing the theme.

"England resorted to fisticuffs. We're certainly not going to endorse that sort of approach but we'll have to deal with it. We're not going to let our No. 1 defenders be taken out of the way to allow their guys to run through," he further suggested.

Whew.

In the past, he has even been prepared to reveal the match plan. Before Australia A played the Lions a few years ago, Eddie reckoned: "You want to have them knocked around a bit, that's part of our responsibility, we have to be physical."

We might, of course, prefer to think this was said in an effort to distract the Lions.

So what about this week in Sydney? The one-time verbal hitman has turned up with a glowing assessment of the All Blacks - with the praise aimed mainly at their malfunctioning backline.

I remain suspicious. Conclusion: With the All Black backs looking as composed as a brolly in a typhoon, dear old Eddie thought it might pay to encourage them in their current escapades.

He's quite a character, and we need characters. It's just that he's soooo obvious sometimes.

As for Eddie's all-time classic - he waited until after a match for that one. Having seen Jonny Wilkinson drop-kick England to a last-gasp World Cup final victory, he produced a pearler.

"England are the best team in the world ... by one minute," he deduced.

Gorgeous. If there was a hall of fame for rugby quotes, that would be first in the door. Go Eddie, go.