Gray matters: Plotting to bring down pitiful Poms

Seve Handsome (left) and Seve Chew have England’s rise in the rugby world under control. Photo / Photosport

In a New Zealand Rugby bunker swept for listening devices and Julian Assange interceptions, a select few All Blacks staff and advisers are plotting the year ahead.

Seve Chew is running the logistics as Seve Handsome overlays the footy details. Their message is identical.

England are on a winning run and think they can play the game and we have to do everything we can to encourage those natural ingrained feelings of superiority.

Their fawning media do much of that work for us so let's foster that. Remember rugby these days is a game of three halves with much of the work coming in the post-match discussions.

Most of you get calls from an influential core group of scribblers whose ideas get plenty of coverage in the dailies and websites so be ready to pile on the compliments about the Poms.

We've got the admin side covered. England's head honcho Earn Richly has been on the blower asking if we can replace our pocket-money game against the Baabaas with a mega-millions deal to play the Poms at Twickers.

From a financial point of view that would be a massive boost for our stakeholders but we've got to take a hit here and appear to be spooked by the Poms. Our fans are used to battling with the Superboomboombust tournament we've given them so a little more hardship won't hurt.

Besides Gatty and the Growlers are here in a few months and the financial windfall from that tour will tide us over for some time.

While we could do with pocketing a bit more dosh from the Poms at the end of the year, or indeed anytime, it's not imperative and we want them to believe they are the business.

We've got a game against them at the tailend of 2018 and that's sure to be a blockbuster. Let's leave it at that and in the meantime they can keep on breaking records and being lauded by each of Steady Bones' new disciples.

We need the Poms to cross the sea and deal to Ireland this weekend to cement the Six Nations shut-out and perhaps one of you in your regular chats with Jaw Smitte should appeal to his largesse if he wants to be part of our group in the future.

The more the Poms win the better it is for the All Blacks. We've got to encourage them all the way, especially the sort of stuff our favourite writer Seve Bones peddles in his columns. Hope Gatty has been reading his columns and chooses 25 Poms in his touring party.

That would be a result. Big time. He'd be silly to overlook most of the Pommie pack because they are starting to show some real bite but he won't get far with their backs if he brings them here.

Did you catch the hyperbole when the Poms beat that side wearing Scottish jerseys? Jonathan Joseph had scarcely figured in the chatter about who would make up the Lions midfield until he scored three tries against an absentee defensive system and became a tour cert.

Memo for all of us: make sure the hype keeps churning about the threat in the Poms' backline because we need most of them on the tour. This meeting, which never happened, is closed.