Kit Farrell: Wilko is coming - exclusive

If there's one name we'll get sick of hearing over the next month or two it's Jonny Wilkinson.

Apologies, but his name is mentioned six times in this column. However, it's with good reason as I can now bring you the news, 100 per cent, that Wilkinson will tour New Zealand with the Lions whenever they come here.

In the best traditions of investigative journalism a good mate of mine Darryl Bryde - who is working illegally as a software analyst in the UK (and would appreciate it if you didn't volunteer this information to the Home Office) - saw Sir Clive Woodward at a service centre just off the M1 and approached him.

Using a dictaphone that he normally saves for recording song lyrics he dreams up while making his bi-weekly trip from London to Sheffield, Bryde taped his conversation with Sir Clive.

The Herald on Sunday can now bring you an exclusive transcript of the conversation that took place.

DB: "How's it going, mate?"

Sir CW: "Fine thank you."

DB: "That mince and cheese pie looks very good."

Sir CW: "Sorry?"

DB: "The pie, it looks tasty."

Sir CW: "Yes, I guess so. They rarely let you down, do they?"

DB: "Unlike Henry Paul, aye? (laughing)."

Sir CW: (Somewhat nervous laughter.)

(In background, unnamed cashier: "That will be 3.45 please.")

DB: "Sorry Sir Clive, I'm not a stalker or anything but it's just a bit of a buzz to meet the World Cup-winning coach, even if it was a hollow victory."

Sir CW: "Sir Clive? Actually, I'm Simon."

DB: "Simon - that's a good one. I'd recognise that cue-ball head anywhere."

Sir CW: "[Expletive] off."

DB: (Now blocking Sir CW's path to his modest 1992 Vauxhall Cavalier): "So you've never heard of Jonny Wilkinson?"

Sir CW: "Of course I have."

DB: "Do you think he'll make the tour to New Zealand, mate?"

Sir CW: "I should think so, and if you don't mind ... "

And with that one incisive question Brydey, as he's known to his mates, trapped Sir Clive into admitting that 1) he knew Jonny Wilkinson, and 2) he would definitely be touring New Zealand.

I imagine Brydey is now the toast of the journalism world while Messrs Graham Henry, Wayne Smith and Steve Hansard will just have one more headache to worry about.