Warren Gatland reveals in his book he found the tour to New Zealand at times unbearable. Photo / Greg Bowker
The Daily Mail is serialising Warren Gatland's diary of the Lions' 2017 tour. Here is the latest excerpt.
"How are you enjoying the tour?" my wife Trudi asked me over lunch.
"I'm hating it," I replied. "The last few weeks have been tough. I love being involved with teams and players, but it's the external stuff."
Most of the time I can handle it, but on this tour it's felt like a constant drag. It's as if a needle has been put into me and is slowly taking the blood out of me.
She had no idea. I'd been putting on a brave face. But more and more I was beginning to ask myself: 'Is this what sport has become, where newspapers are wanting to be critical and personal?'
I have been really disappointed with New Zealand journalism, and particularly with the New Zealand Herald, whether it's been the personal attacks on me or slagging off the Lions.
You'd think the media would be excited about the first Lions visit in 12 years but there's a group that seemingly want this tour to be a failure.
The other day they criticised the Lions for not embracing the midweek fixtures. They said something along the lines of they'd rather have England here.
As a Kiwi I was so excited about coming home again but the coverage has been a downer.
I probably shouldn't let one newspaper get to me but you can only take so much. I don't mind criticism, but I've felt there's been an orchestrated campaign to unsettle me and split the squad. Everywhere we've gone people have been so warm and welcoming - a completely different message to what is being written.
It left me drained every day. It's been like no tour I've ever been on - a massive learning curve and so tough for the coaches. Just relentless. In 2009 (South Africa) and 2013 (Australia) we could have the occasional easier day and a lighter training session, knowing we were going to win the next game reasonably comfortably.
This tour hasn't been like that at all. Every game has been full on. The Lions have never faced such quality midweek opposition.
One of the mistakes made on the 2005 New Zealand tour when bringing Alastair Campbell was the heavy-handed approach to the media. They were kept at arm's length and the players had been schooled in giving bland quotes.
The Lions overplayed 'Speargate', when Tana Umaga spear-tackled Brian O'Driscoll in the opening Test, and by the end they'd alienated much of the travelling media as well.
Ironically, I think the campaign against me - and the Lions - by some of the New Zealand media unified the UK and Irish media behind us even more.
At the end of one press conference, I became a little angry about a reference to 'Warrenball', which would lead to a few headlines over the next few days.
The NZ Herald had picked up on a headline which read: 'Censored: Gatland's Foul-Mouthed Rant.'
They reported a comment I'd made under my breath to Ken Owens (Wales hooker) after a press conference while some dictaphones were still running.
'F*** it. I don't know why I have to keep f***ing defending myself.'
So the NZ Herald back page was a picture of me pointing in the direction of the camera, not smiling, with the headline: 'Grumpy Gatland'.
I wouldn't like to be quoted every day like that, but it shows I'm human. It had followed the last question, when a reporter referred to 'Warrenball'. In fairness, I may have been a bit sensitive with my answer.
'What do you mean by one way? When did that way start? You don't know the answer, do you?' I stared at him. 'If you can tell me, I will answer the question when the timeframe is appropriate.'
After one more answer, I muttered those expletives. Maybe I overreacted a little bit, but some people have become fixated with 'Warrenball'. When you ask someone 'What is Warrenball?' they can't answer.
It's a phrase that has been lazily picked up on. I don't really know what it means but I know it insinuates a direct, physical and unimaginative brand of rugby.
I was informed that the New Zealand Herald had portrayed me as a clown. Again. I was pretty disappointed. Everything I say is being twisted, particularly by that paper. I was so excited about the tour but this kind of thing has really taken the gloss off it.
This is getting personal. It's people writing about me who don't even know me, making assumptions about me as a person, as a coach.
At press conferences, I have been determined not to give anyone the satisfaction of thinking that the negative coverage was affecting me.
It had started just two days into the tour - before our game against the Provincial Barbarians featuring my son, Bryn. The New Zealand Herald insinuated that I was going to have our players target him. I was furious.
The headline read: 'Gatland finds Baa-Baas weakness - his son.'
I went absolutely mental. Our press guys rang the sports editor to get it changed. This was a special day for us and to twist that and make it into a family feud was nasty. It already seemed like a deliberate campaign against me.
New Zealand is a great country, with great people, and it's the number one rugby nation in the world but it can be a hyper-sensitive country.
Whatever else you do, you do not criticise New Zealand, especially its rugby, as I had done on a previous trip home. Memo to brain: don't criticise New Zealand.
The missing rugby jersey was found after a two-year search.