The weird world of Peter de Villiers

Peter de Villiers and Victor Matfield agree that dwelling on the past is not for the Springboks. Photo / Natalie Slade

Springboks coach Peter de Villiers should attend media conferences with the following words written on his palm with a marker pen: Foot. Mouth. Avoid.

It seems whatever the situation, de Villiers can be relied upon to utter something unpredictable.

Mel Gibson may rant, but de Villiers can certainly ramble.

His latest gem is something about the referees in the Tri-Nations "conspiring" to let the All Blacks win in order to show the hosts of the 2011 Rugby World Cup in the best possible light.

It's all a marketing ploy, you see; to increase RWC patronage.

Okay, Peter, we get it. It's a wonder his fellow guests on the TV programme he was on at the time, Australia's Rugby Club show, could keep a straight face.

New Zealand rugby followers got an early taste of the de Villiers 2010 style even before he and the South African entourage arrived in the country for the Tri-Nations opener three weeks ago.

All Blacks coach Graham Henry had a "big mouth", he was reported as telling South African media on the eve of his departure for the Tri-Nations.

Queried later on the quote, de Villiers was in full back-track mode:

"I said that, like me, he's got a big mouth and what I meant by that is that he's a very honest guy. People respect him all around the world for his honesty. He's a student of the game, he knows the game and his players respect him a lot."

Making light of the subject, All Blacks assistant coach Steve Hansen thankfully cleared it up for the rest of us - he doesn't know about Henry having a big mouth, he said, but: "He's one of those unfortunate people that are born with an upside-down smile."

Graham Henry may have an "upside-down smile" - but de Villiers' entire world view seems to come from a similar perspective.

All the fuss caused the Springbok boss to go all introspective on us, as Herald rugby writer Dylan Cleaver reported:

"Ninety-five per cent of people all around the world are conventional people, they go with the crowd. They only do what other people do. They can't be their own person," said de Villiers.

"I've got a job to do. I think I'm a strong individual, a strong character. I don't care what people think about me, I don't care what people say about me. It's what I think about me and myself - and I love myself a lot.

"It's about me and my team and my country. If I'm respected in my team, I don't care about what other people think."

That was before two consecutive hammerings from the All Blacks, in Auckland and Wellington.

To de Villiers, it was the changing ruck interpretations that condemned the Boks to defeat.

"I do not like to prepare guys to cheat and it seems to me to be the only way forward if you want to be on top of those kind of things, and that's 70 per cent of our game," he said to Herald rugby editor Wynne Gray.

Northern hemisphere rugby analyst and Herald columnist Peter Bills showed his impatience with the endless excuse-finding.

"Peter de Villiers' constant bleating about referees/assistant referees/journalists/TV replay technicians and perhaps even the bus driver being to blame for the Springboks' woes is starting to become tiresome", wrote Bills.

* * *

De Villiers raised eyebrows from the very start.

He was a surprise selection as Springbok coach in January 2008 - the first non-white to be given the job.

At the time, the South African Rugby Union said the appointment was based on "transformation".

When his side locked horns with the All Blacks, controversy was never far away.

After one early test, All Black prop Craig Dowd got angry at comments by the Boks coach about the All Blacks' scrummaging.

In an interview with Newstalk ZB, Dowd questioned the credentials of de Villiers and labelled the coach a "puppet".

Dowd told ZB said that if de Villiers knew anything about rugby, he was yet to see it. He dismissed de Villiers' assessment of the All Blacks' front row.

SA Rugby on that occasion rose quickly to the defence of their man, and delivered a hasty retort:

"Mr Dowd's comments are not only deeply and personally offensive to Peter de Villiers and SARU but also comically ill-informed on the affairs of South African rugby", they said.

"We trust he will show rather better judgement in having the good grace to apologise to Peter de Villiers and to the South African rugby community for the profound offence and hurt he has caused."

2009 was a watershed year for de Villiers - it was the first year they had a one hundred per cent record against the All Blacks since Nick Mallett's side achieved that feat in the late 90s.

Kiwi golfer Michael Campbell may have had his moments - he used to hear aliens in his head talking to him, apparently - but it's hard to match de Villiers for longevity in the 'ridiculous sayings' department.

Websites have even sprung up, in honour of de Villiers' penchant for the absurd.

Below is a list doing the rounds on the internet:

The Peter de Villiers Quote Hall of Fame:

"If we want to eye-gouge any Lions we will go down to the bushveld like we do and eye-gouge them there."
AND
"If we are going on like this, why don't we go to the nearest ballet shop, get some tutus and get a dancing shop going? There will be no eye-gouging, no tackling, no nothing and we will enjoy it."
- In the wake of the Schalk Burger incident against the Lions at Loftus Versfeld in 2009.

"What we try to tell them is when you point your finger into the sky, don't concentrate on the finger because you'll miss all the heavenly glory out there. Concentrate on the heavenly glory you can bring and make yourselves so fulfilled."

"There's little difference between winning and losing, except you feel better after winning."

"The same people who threw their robes on the ground when Jesus rode on a donkey were the same people who crowned him and hit him with sticks, and were the same people who said afterwards how we shouldn't have done that, he's the son of God. So that's exactly what we do. You have to look at history as repeating itself. And I'm not saying that I'm God."

"The small things like judicial hearing will not take away the fact that we won. Nelson Mandela and FW de Klerk won the Nobel Peace Prize. No matter what they did wrong in their lives, no one can take away the fact that they won it."

"I'm a God-given talent, I'm the best I can ever be. So what you think doesn't bother me. I know what I am and I don't give a damn."

"What I learned in South Africa is, if you take your car to a garage and the owner is black or a black man, and they mess it up, you never go back to that garage. If the owner is white, you say ag, sorry, they made a mistake and you go back again. This is how some people live their lives in this country."

"I won't change my style, if I change my style I will change Peter de Villiers, and then I would have to tell God that he made a mistake when he made me."

"We will give them a psychological advantage and we cannot allow that. We've read in the papers here that they believe South Africa are ripe for the picking. They're comparing us with some fruit from a Welsh fruit farm but they need to know that when you pick fruit, it isn't just apples and pears; there are prickly pears as well. We want to be a prickly pear for them this Saturday."

"The way things are going right now, in a few year's time these guys won't need a coach."
- after the Springboks' second consecutive win over the All Blacks at Durban in the 2009 Tri-Nations

"Speaking to IRB referee's boss Paddy O' Brien is a complete wast of time...People don't want to see other teams being successful. That is my biggest problem at the moment. We can't go public about certain things because we don't have all the evidence, but the body language of certain officials when things went against us in that game made us worry.... The officials were so happy when decisions went against us on the day. I am talking about the number one rugby team in the world. Shouldn't they really get the other guys to that level?.... Or do they want to break things down so that the game can become mediocre and everyone has a chance to win it. We don't want to dwell on that point, but if that is the case, then I feel I am wasting my time by talking to them. I will then have to reconsider talking to them."

- NZHERALD STAFF