Troy Flavell can't place his finger on why, but since returning from two years in Japan he no longer feels the need to play the bad cop on a rugby field.
The giant Flavell, who makes his first test start for the All Blacks in nearly five years against Ireland here on Saturday, openly admits he was an enforcer - and sometimes an ugly one - through the early part of his rugby career.
In the eyes of others he was little more than a thug when he left New Zealand for Japan's Toyota club in 2004.
Among a string of misdemeanours, an abiding image is his stomping of Chiefs hooker Greg Smith in 2003, which resulted in a three-month ban.
Flavell doesn't tread warily now when reflecting on his career pre-Japan.
He happily admitted he could be triggered into on-field acts that most other players would have the self control to baulk at.
"I had a good upbringing, a good childhood," he said.
"It was just the way I played the game, I was an aggressive player. I didn't like to take a backward step, I didn't like to lose.
"I'd do anything to win ... I'm not saying I'd thump anyone who walks around. But if I felt someone was cheating, I'd address it."
Since returning Flavell, 29, had only six Super 14 games for the Blues but at no stage did the red mist descend.
His behaviour was exemplary before a shoulder injury ended his tournament, but not before proving he had lost none of his old physical punch. Indeed the Blues' season soon went into recession without his dominating presence.
Reclining his 118kg frame in the All Blacks hotel this week, he cuts a relaxed figure, convinced he has entered a new phase in his career.
From here on there is to be a zen-like state of well being when temperatures start to rise on the field.
"I've got some mechanisms in place," he said.
"If I get into that same situation, how would I deal with it? The thing now is to just walk away, or walk back and smile. Just little triggers that I use to help me out."
His temperament has already passed numerous road tests in the Super 14.
He was singled out, particularly by South African opponents wanting to bait a yellow card out of him.
Comments like "come on old man" and "you're not in Japan now" would litter the breakdowns. But there wasn't to be a Flavell breakdown.
"I just laughed and brushed it off. It was quite easy, surprisingly enough."
The other foe were media in New Zealand, some of whom he believed were waiting for him to trip up. All it would take was a minor indiscretion.
"Especially with the discipline issue, everyone was waiting for me to punch someone or something and then they'd say 'well, he's back to his old ways'," Flavell said.
"It would have been good press probably, sold a lot of papers. I used it to my advantage as well. I could keep my hands in my pockets.
"I was getting a lot of support, too, which was nice."
Flavell pointed out his 16 tests for the All Blacks, including last weekend's impressive return off the bench in the first test against the Irish, have been blemish-free.
The problems have arisen at provincial level, where it didn't take long to earn a reputation.
Aged 20 and in his first season for North Harbour, Flavell was vilified and banned for a year on the strength of a newspaper photograph which appeared to show him eye-gouging Wellington winger Steve Skinnon.
North Harbour appealed and the ban was reduced to three weeks, but a reputation had been forged.
Those days seem a world away for Flavell, who appears a logical selection for next year's World Cup in the vexed lock/blindside flanker role.
He's not looking that far ahead, content to continue proving to his own country, and himself, that he is a changed man.
"This time it just seems a little bit sweeter, I don't know why. Really proud to be here," he said.
"I was proud the last time but it just seems different, I'm one of the older hands now.
"I'm appreciating it a bit more. In the end just proving I can cut it at this level."
- NZPA
Rugby's bad boy comes clean
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