Lomu reluctant to let dream die

Jonah Lomu. Picture / Nigel Marple

As unforgettable rugby memories go, few come close. For 15 mesmerising minutes, the hulking frame of Jonah Lomu crushed the red-rose brigade on the way to becoming a sporting deity, propelling the All Blacks into the 1995 World Cup final.

Twelve years and a kidney transplant later, Lomu desperately wanted to repeat those exploits but go one step further, helping the All Blacks secure their second World Cup victory. Sadly, the 31-year-old concedes that "dream" is now over.

Lomu has failed to confound the sceptics and secure a Super 14 contract, a prerequisite for All Blacks selection, and has for the first time acknowledged the only contribution he will be making at next year's tournament will be from the stands.

But he says talk of retirement is premature. He's not entirely sure about what lays ahead but says he's not ready to hang up his boots and will look at his options in December.

He hasn't ruled out another playing stint overseas, or an ambassadorial role with the New Zealand Rugby Union.

The only certainty is where he'll be come World Cup time.

"I will be there in the stands, in black, supporting the team in France. My dream will live on through the guys - I want to watch them bring the World Cup home."

Last week's news that Lomu was set to miss out on a Super 14 contract convinced Lomu it was time to confront harsh reality.

"I'd be lying if I said I'm not disappointed about not getting a Super 14 contract. But I have had a go. I would have been more disappointed if I didn't have a go," Lomu says. "I didn't want to ask myself in 10 years, what if?"

However, there is still a massive 'if' surrounding both the man and the myth. What if Lomu had never succumbed to the kidney disease nephritis? How good could he have become? He was already the game's first global superstar, a player who at his peak dominated the sport like Tiger Woods dominates golf and Roger Federer dominates tennis.

Sport is littered with stories of those who have played on when they should have called time on their careers. Some of those who have watched Lomu in recent weeks will say he should have quit the game while he was at the top rather than jeopardising his health and standing in the sport.

Lomu made his return from a kidney transplant to top-class rugby last June with a testimonial match at Twickenham but had to go off at halftime with a shoulder injury that later needed surgery.

In an attempt to play his way back into the big time in New Zealand, Lomu secured a seven-month contract in the Celtic League with Cardiff but was a moderate success only.

He returned to New Zealand for North Harbour's Air NZ Cup campaign but has had limited game time - and yesterday suffered what some would consider the ultimate indignity. The giant winger and 63-test veteran failed to make Harbour's bench for the match against Waikato and had to settle for a run-on spot with the B side. With that lack of game time and the emergence of a handful of class wingers, it was always going to be an uphill battle for Lomu to secure a Super 14 contract.

Respected rugby commentator John McBeth summed up the thinking of many last week when he posed the question: "What now for Jonah Lomu?" after watching Harbour's Shield win over Canterbury.

"Sitting on the sideline, sometimes warming up, always appearing enthusiastic about what was developing on the field and, finally, sharing in the delight of the team's performance - it just did not seem enough for a player of Lomu's reputation."

But Lomu insists his raison d'être has always been "the love of the game". Not the fame, fortune or adrenalin rush of a sporting career.

"It is tough being on the sidelines but I believe you have to be there to support the team, otherwise you are no good to them. But I'm not bigger than the game, no one is. When you are playing rugby, you have to remember it's a team game. There's no 'I' in team.

"To come from where I was to where I am today is an achievement in itself. People will ask why I didn't take the easy option and retire but it's just not in my nature to do that.

"I have given everything that I could possibly give. The one thing I have learnt from playing this game is that you get knocked down and you just have to get back up."

Lomu says the last thing he wants from the rugby public is sympathy but some empathy would not go amiss.

"If I had my time over again, I wouldn't do anything differently. I wouldn't even change the kidney illness. It has made me a better person. I don't feel I've let anyone down. I've given it my all. It's been a failure in the sense I didn't make the All Blacks but I certainly didn't fail myself.

"I have been able to come back to the game I love. I dared to dream. Who can criticise me for that?"