KEY POINTS:
Ali Williams and David Bain didn't have much in common before last week.
Actually that's not strictly correct. Bain liked loud jumpers and Williams is one. But last week they almost collided as two big stories landed in two days - one man's fall from grace and one
man shown grace by the highest court in the kingdom.
Williams' ego seemed to have contributed to his ejection from the Blues, so it might have stung him to see Bain get a marginally bigger headline the next day.
On Wednesday, the 6-foot-7 lock faced the media in a press conference run by the NZRU. If it was Williams' decision to do this, it was a brave one but not exactly necessary.
When anyone gets sent home for disciplinary reasons, they don't have to do a Keith Murdoch and head for the Outback but heading for the cameras can be high-profile hara kiri.
At Wednesday's press conference, players union boss Rob Nichol said Williams wasn't so much sent home from South Africa as dropped from the team - but was then forced to fly home in order for him to be replaced (under Super 14 rules).
So then, if it's not such a big deal, why hold a press conference?
True, it wasn't just the drinking the night before a game, it was also failing to fulfil obligations to sponsors, then there's the attitude and, um, the vibe, your honour.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good press conference, but often it's hard to see why public figures put themselves through it unless they really have to.
Former All Black Norm Hewitt had to. He got drunk, smashed into the wrong motel room via the ranch-slider and then bled so badly, the terrified couple in the motel room called an ambulance. The ambulance officer said at the time. "I don't care whether he's an All Black rugby player or a bloody ballerina, if he has enough alcohol and puts his fist through a window then he's certainly going to get hurt," Mr Gabites said.
This was all classic stuff and possibly warranted a press conference. Hewitt's tears at that press conference are now part of New Zealand folklore.
However, another All Black hooker, Andrew Hore was convicted for shooting a fur seal and I can't recall his press conference. Is breaching team protocol worse than shooting a protected sea mammal? Apparently so.
Williams was clearly uncomfortable in front of the cameras. Did the public deserve an explanation? Probably. But you could write it on a Post-It. "Sorry, will sort myself out. Love, Ali."
He's been on the outer in the Super 14 and it probably doesn't help that his two coaches - David Nucifora (Blues) and Graham Henry (All Blacks) don't see eye-to-eye. And we all know how kids behave when mum and dad are fighting.
The press conference wasn't a PR success anyway. No tears. Close, but not quite. Then Williams got a bit tetchy when asked if he'd admitted being a bad boy.
"I haven't been a bad boy," rebutted Williams. "Is it a crime to go out?"
Not it's not, Ali. That's why you didn't need to hold a press conference.
Williams may have fronted the media for several reasons: to build bridges, be a man, show goodwill, avoid reporters hounding him. The latter would have happened anyway although a few would have moved on to Bain the next day.
There's also another lesson for Williams. In 2005 Daniel Carter, Aaron Mauger and other All Blacks breached team protocol after an overnight drinking session in Wales. They were reprimanded but no one was dropped or sent anywhere. Clearly there's safety in numbers - but in the Blues Williams is struggling for drinking buddies once you rule out the serious Christians.
At least back in the All Blacks, he'll be safe going out with Carter - because no one is going to send Dan Carter home for breaching team protocol, or even killing a seal.
Rejects look good
Esteemed rugby scribe Gregor Paul has named his possible All Blacks squad of 30.
He believes it will be the usual suspects - seasoned All Blacks and one or two returning from injury.
So I have taken the liberty of choosing a 3rd XV which would arguably be more entertaining than the All Blacks:
Corey Jane, Viliame Waqaseduadua, Lelia Masaga, Anthony Tuitavake, Ma'a Nonu, Stephen Brett, Brendon Leonard; Liam Messam, Josh Blackie, Kieran Read, Greg Rawlinson, Jono Gibbes (c), Saimone Taumoepeau, Corey Flynn, John Afoa.
More clay please
The clay-court tennis season in Europe raises two points:
1) Roger Federer is human; and
2) Why doesn't New Zealand have more clay courts?
Given that so many tournaments are played on clay and that so much of New Zealand is made of clay, it seems ridiculous there aren't more clay courts here.
Instead, New Zealand has the highest density of astroturf courts known to man. And how many professional tournaments are played on astroturf? About -3.
Apparently rainfall and humidity is the problem but surely there's an innovative way around that. This is New Zealand, for God's sake.
This nation's obsession with artificial grass has always been out of hand. People put in on their porches, in their garages and on their outdoor steps. It has to stop.
Comedy watch
The comedy season is upon us and one comedian worth plugging is Taranaki-raised Millen Baird whose show The Wedding Speeches is at the Herald Theatre, Auckland, May 15-19 (0800-TICKETEK).
Baird plays 20 characters including best man Roy the racecaller, whose speech is brilliant from start to photo finish and has already made its way around the world via email and Kiwi FM's State of Play Saturday morning sports show.
