KEY POINTS:
That bog-awful rugby test in Christchurch can be summed up in two words. Breyton Paulse.
The game had plenty of tension, its only saving grace. Apart from that, it was a sad indictment on international rugby; a team that has rotated itself into a tail spin struggling to beat opponents who couldn't be bothered sending their top troops.
There was no sadder sight than that of Paulse playing his rubbish game on the wing.
Paulse is a flea, a blight on the game. He is a dedicated cheat who doesn't even attempt to play rugby as the rest of the world knows it.
The latest Springbok captain, Johann Muller, and his coach, Jake White, can bleat all they like about Richie McCaw, in an obvious attempt to reduce the influence of rugby's best player at the World Cup.
No doubt White and his lieutenants had a little whiteboard set up during the week, reminding themselves to bag the hell out of McCaw at the post-match press conference. Well done, Johann and Jake. Give yourselves a giant pat on the back.
If this Springbok outfit had a brain cell worth pleading to, then I'd suggest they stop fabricating stories and take a look on their own right wing, where they wouldn't find Breyton Paulse.
No, to find Paulse they'd have to look somewhere in the All Black backline or whatever other backline he happens to be facing that day.
If they can't find him there, then maybe they could look behind an opponent's ruck or where the laws say he's not supposed to be.
If everybody played rugby the way Paulse plays it, you wouldn't have rugby. You'd have tackle-netball.
The biggest surprise about Paulse is that he didn't drop the pretence and simply run out with the All Blacks and join in the haka in Christchurch.
Paulse doesn't just live offside. He's got three holiday homes there. He's moved the wife and two girlfriends there. He's got four kids there. He's got two dogs and a budgie there. Hell, he probably even wants to get buried there (it's a pity the All Blacks didn't oblige him on that score).
Paulse is the ultimate bludger. The only reason he can rort the system is because other blokes are trying to play the game within the spirit of the rules - give or take a few grey areas.
The Springboks might bleat on about McCaw. But at least he's in the heart of the action, dealing with complex situations, constantly under the referee's gaze, getting knocked about for his troubles.
Paulse is a freeloader though, operating behind the referee's back.
He doesn't even put his body on the line to break the line. He just loiters offside, looking for intercepts. You might see him make a tackle now and then. The most strenuous thing he's done in two tests was that pathetic gymnastic act after scoring an intercept try (what else) against the Aussies.
If the soon-to-be tested Stellenbosch rules had been operating on Saturday night, the linesmen would have suffered occupational overuse syndrome flagging Paulse down.
The winger summed up everything that was wrong with that test on Saturday night. He was part of a B-grade Springbok team that headed south with no intention or ability to play the game at this level and instead set about using obstructive tactics to save their red faces.
Test match rugby should involve a lot more than their so-called brave defence. And when they did get red faces, one of them would sit down and feign a leg injury while the rest took a deep breath.
Paulse was able to disrupt an All Black team that has become a shadow of its self, primarily because the honchos keep changing the combinations. A half decent All Black backline familiar with each other's game would have flooded through the giant hole on Paulse's wing but instead they became distracted and tentative because of his presence.
And finally, Paulse - who was only nabbed once - was allowed to stray all over the place by officials overwhelmed by the game they are supposed to be controlling. Hopefully, we've seen the last of him in test rugby. He won't be missed.
* Who will be the next Dally Messenger ...
That's the burning question on everyone's lips after the curse of the All Golds struck again with the news that Darren Lockyer's knee injury has put him out for the season. That means the Kangaroo captain won't join a New Zealand league team, named after the historic All Golds, which plays against the Northern Union in Warrington on October 20.
Lockyer's fellow superstar Andrew Johns was also nobbled shortly after accepting the All Golds guest position which mirrors the role the famous Messenger played a century ago.
Our suggestion for the next Dally Messenger: Willie Mason. They don't come any bigger - player or headlines - than the Auckland-born Kangaroo forward.
And if Willie turns down the Dally M job, there's the other Auckland-born Kangaroo, Karmichael Hunt, whose presence in the Aussie teams upsets the Kiwis so much.
