Matt Dawson: Test series victory is everything

Matt Dawson

Can you remember how you felt when you sat ready to take your driving test?

Or how the pains in your stomach on the morning of your wedding day were so bad that backing out actually became a rational option?

Welcome to the pre-match torture that I and 21 other Lions are enduring.

You might think - but you'd be wrong - that after being on two other Lions tours my guts were accustomed to the grating that nears illness.

But if anything it's worse this time because of the level of expectation from both camps.

Eight years ago I was thrown into the gladiatorial arena in Cape Town and instructed to pass, run and generally tackle until I could no longer stand.

At 24, and with a Lions test cap on the line, I had no hesitation in giving my heart and soul to a cause which I'd only read and dreamed about.

To imagine that my dream would not only become reality but blossom into a three-tour slumber party has undoubtedly made me appreciate how very fortunate I have been in my rugby career.

The 2005 Lions have already created their own piece of history, every day a new reason that highlights the uniqueness of Lions tours is documented for us all to see.

But for all the great moments off field, the memories and the friendships, there is only one primary historical fact that will follow us all to our graves, and that is the test results.

Our camp have enjoyed the hospitality both on and off the paddock but let nobody ever forget why we have come and why you, the New Zealand public, have invited us.

Whatever the results of games up to now, three games will decide whether this is a successful trip or just another addition to the heap of the Lions' previous near misses.

We know deep inside that if we arrive at Jade Stadium with our A game, the Lions can be victorious.

Equally, make no mistake that if we drop our guard for a split second the power of the New Zealand team can, and will, punish us severely.

That fear in itself sends a tingle down my spine, a tingle that sparks emotion and adrenaline and pressure which will drive me to perform.

Touring fans

Wandering the Christchurch streets this week, I sensed the various guesstimates of how many supporters, Barmy Army and other touring fans, were tipped to be here is an understatement.

The city was buzzing with a red fever. The supporters will be an integral part of the series so am I pleased to have them on our side.

Even though I'm on the bench tonight, many fans, red or black, went out of their way to congratulate me on selection.

Having been fortunate enough to have been chosen in a run-on test team before, I can say that the thrill for me is only marginally less.

Naturally we all want to be in the starting XV but a millimetre behind are the seven seats on the sideline.

I'll be chuffed to get even a minute on the field, but if we manage to sneak a win and I never get my track suit off, the smile on my face will be as wide as anyone's.

Of course there are four million people who will laugh at my positive anticipation, thinking the All Blacks have put in the outstanding performance of the past year against the French in Paris last November.

I have had enormous pleasure battling against the might of the All Blacks with very little joy.

Their fierce competitiveness at the breakdown causes havoc with momentum, and if you are loose with your kicking the back three can rip you open like your first pay cheque.

But we think we know their weaknesses and will be going all out to expose them.

For the moment, they remain tightly tucked up our sleeves. Time will tell if we are right.

I'll predict this: whoever has the upper hand at the end of game one tonight will certainly be favourites to take the series. Is it all or nothing? We are desperate to win this one. So are the New Zealanders.

Of course rugby is a sport, not a matter of life and death. But it feels pretty close to it from where we sit.

* Matt Dawson is a Lions halfback and is in the reserves for tonight's test