Christmas round-up 2004: Rugby

Doug Howlett

Rugby has become like a faithful family dog - you never fully appreciate it until it is no longer there. So now that rugby is no longer here - we are going to take the time to fully appreciate it.

TOP FIVE TRIES:

1: Carlos Spencer - Blues v Crusaders, Jade Stadium Feb 27

In what seemed to be the thinking of a lunatic, Spencer launched an improbable counter attack from behind his own goal line with the most audacious pass. He then finished the move off 100m later and as a final touch, taunted the crowd by touching down at the corner flag. If Spencer were to invite all his friends from Canterbury to a party, he could hold the do in a phone booth.

2: Doug Howlett - All Blacks v Springboks, Jade Stadium July 25

The fat lady was clearing her throat to herald a Bok victory, when the All Blacks, after fruitlessly bashing up the middle, bashed fruitfully up the middle giving Spencer time to throw a skip pass to put Howlett over.

3: Joe Rokocoko - All Blacks v Wales, Millennium Stadium Nov 27

Set free on his wing, Rokocoko suddenly remembered he was a race horse and the man confronting him, Gareth Thomas, was a cart horse. The flying Fijian was ready to chip over the fast approaching fullback only to pull back, swerve and blast past the Welsh captain.

4: Anthony Tahana - Bay of Plenty v Auckland, Eden Park August 15

Rua Tipoki stepped his way through the Auckland backline, making about 40 metres. The Bay forwards delivered quick ball, Glen Jackson firied a long pass to Tahana who made it to the corner.

5: Carlos Spencer - All Blacks v England, Carisbrook June 12

When playing the Poms, it's always best to quash their superiority complex early. After 10 minutes, Matt Dawson's kick was charged down, Spencer scooped the loose ball, took off, flicked it to Howlett who then in an ironic role reversal, pulled off a blind pass to put the looping Spencer in at the corner.

TOP 5 MAKE OR BREAK:

1: Sione Lauaki - By July, Lauaki's running was so powerful he could have smashed through a house. By October he simply looked like a house, the side of one to be precise. Needs to prove he can get through 80 minutes of destructive defence as well as offence.

2: Ali Williams - If you were to build a lock to excel in the modern game, you would visit the Williams family to see if they still had the mould for their eldest son. But the Aucklander needs to forget about roaming in the back division and hammer away at the coalface.

3: Nick Evans - Switched between fullback, wing and first five while at North Harbour, Evans picked up a legion of admirers who felt he could make a classic No 10. Super 12 will be the platform from which we can make a definitive judgement.

4: Andrew Hore - He thought long and hard about giving it all up to return to the farm after emerging as the form hooker in the Super 12 only to sit on the bench for the entirety of the domestic test season. It won't be any easier to keep those thoughts of the country life at bay this season as Keven Mealamu, Anton Oliver, Corey Flynn and Tom Willis are all gunning for test caps.

5: Byron Kelleher - Since 1999, Kelleher has lived in Justin Marshall's shadow, unable to convince the various All Black coaches he is worthy of an extended run. Has a chance to cement his place after a brilliant performance in Paris.

TOP 5 COCK-UPS

1: The Brewery fiasco - This saga frothed into a particularly unpalatable brew when a letter addressed to Lion Nathan ended up being sent to DB Breweries. Given the letter detailed ways Lion Nathan could improve its pourage rights at DB's expense, it was most definitely not a case of cheers Lion Red.

2: Ben Blair - The Super 12 final became known as the Ditch Ben Blair Project for good reason. So bad was the diminutive fullback that we can only assume his body had been inhabited by an alien prior to kick-off. Rumour has it that Blair's invitation to the All Black trial was hastily found and destroyed early in the second half.

3: Paul Honiss - Next time he takes charge of a game in South Africa, the Kiwi ref should be prepared to see his name listed as P. Niss after having a brain explosion at Lansdowne Road. He let Ireland's Ronan O'Gara take a quick tap after telling Boks skipper John Smit to go and have a chat with his players. Rather than order O'Gara back to the mark, he raised his arm - a motion he can expect to do with monotonous regularity every time he visits Ireland, to bring his free Guiness to his lips.

4: Auckland - The Rolls Royce of the NPC finished the season looking decidedly Skoda-esque. In form All Blacks came back into the squad and immediately transformed themselves into journeymen. Things were so bad they nearly lost to Otago.

5: Carisbrook - Like many with a few years on the clock, Carisbrook began to have difficulties draining itself effectively this season. The fabled turf was a quagmire for the derby against Southland and grass wasn't spotted until October. There were a positive from this - watching the grass grow back often provided more engaging entertainment for those who turned up to games.

TOP 5 BIZARRE EVENTS

1: Andrew Mehrtens's standing ovation at Eden Park - The apple of Canterbury's eye came to Auckland's most holy place and brought the crowd to its feet when he came on for the last 20 minutes of the All Black trial.

2: Joe Rokocoko's NPC debut - Rokocoko made his Auckland debut having already secured 20 All Black caps. Yet, he still managed to look like a nervous NPC debutant, out of his league and unlikely to be picked again.

3: Sir Clive Woodward - The former England supremo went plain dotty when he quit the rugby team and announced he was God's gift to soccer. Just to prove he was mad, he then selected 29 support staff for the Lions tour.

4: The Millennium Stadium - The pitch in Cardiff was only marginally less muddy than Carisbrook which is strange as the Welsh Rugby Union almost bankrupted itself putting a retractable roof on the stadium.

5: God Save the Queen - The Barbarians who played the All Blacks at Twickenham didn't contain a single player from the British Isles. Which explains why there was a deathly silence when God Save the Queen was played before kick-off.

STORIES:

1: The flat backline - The alignment of the All Black back division seemed to occupy almost everyone's waking thoughts during the Tri-Nations. Most of the comment was ill-informed and strangely, when the tries were being racked up in Rome, Cardiff and Paris, no one seemed to think the strategy was so bad. Watch the video - the backs stood just as flat in Europe as they did during the Tri-Nations.

2: The player drain - Best get used to it as there is not enough cash to keep everyone here. Kees Meeuws and Simon Maling were the two biggest departees this year.

3: Rico Gear's shift to Nelson Bays - An All Black playing for a second division province to get in the Crusaders' back door. It exposed a loophole the NZRU will be quick to close.

4: Anton Oliver - One week we wrote his rugby obituary, the next we announced he was in line for an extraordinary All Black comeback.

5: The Ranfurly Shield - Thanks to the Bay of Plenty the log o'wood once again inspired grown men to cry.

TOP 5 PLAYERS TO WATCH

1: Kristian Ormsby - Big, fast, great ball skills and hard as they come. He looks a potential test No 6.

2: Nick Williams - A No 8 who is more than just a big slugger. John Mitchell certainly likes the cut of his jib.

3: Ross Kennedy - The Wellington lock has been supplied with ample motivation to prove he is ready for test rugby.

4: Sitiveni Sivivatu - If he carries on from where he was last year, he must be a contender to start against the Lions.

5: Hosea Gear - Reminiscent of Jonah at times, Gear has the goods. Consistency is what he needs to deliver this year.

- HERALD ON SUNDAY