Chris Rattue: Saturday night Clive needs a better act

Southampton Football Club should check their rights under the consumer guarantee act as they await the arrival of Sir Clive Woodward.

The Saints, who thought they had got themselves an infallible World Cup winner, look to have ended up with a spinner, not only of information but also in terms of a career out of control.

Woodward will join the southern England club - relegated from the Premiership last season - as football director, and will likely arrive with a reputation that will have the club and fans looking inquiringly at the divisions in the Lions, and nervously at those below their team.

The former England coach's claim that his management techniques could be transferred with equal success across any sporting divide always seemed presumptuous.

But since his methods are stumbling badly on the short skip from England to Lions rugby, the jump to soccer looks closer to preposterous.

Southampton would certainly be well advised not to let him near the throw-in and goalkeeping sectors after the lineout debacle in Christchurch. But back to the rugby ...

Woodward's long-range future will be of little interest to the throng of visiting Lions fans, some of whom might be wondering if they will get a call-up from the coach during the final tour days.

In cricket, a sport yet to get Sir Clive's guidance, it is customary to give the bat a little upward flick when you reach a half century, before getting on with the job.

But as Brent Cockbain headed towards the Lions camp this week, taking the players selected to 50, Sir Clive was leaping about with baton in hand as if he'd just scored a triple century.

His midnight feasting on the All Black captain Tana Umaga and hooker Keven Mealamu, over their alleged foul deeds on Lions captain Brian O'Driscoll, suggested a man getting in his excuses first before a calamitous series result. First, let it be clear. There should have been a judicial hearing into the first-minute incident which put O'Driscoll out of the tour. Rugby is a perpetual sinner with an erratic judicial system.

O'Driscoll was lifted dangerously, the man has a serious injury, and rugby should strenuously seek a more just citing system.

But Woodward's late-night film show indicated the fanatical plotter has lost this rugby plot.

Not only did his obsession with O'Driscoll's situation suggest the Lions were starting to run up the white flag, but the attack on Umaga in particular was like waving a red rag at a bullish All Black team.

If there is a second test problem for the All Blacks, it is that their initial victory was so much more comprehensive than the scoreline indicated that they could lose an edge.

Rounding on Umaga in particular, the highly respected All Black leader, has played further into the home side's hands in terms of motivation. Test footballers aren't peacekeepers or samaritans. In general, they don't think much about the outside world, or of the media, the judiciary, and especially anyone who speaks ill of their own.

The Lions' calls for contrition will merely be seen by the All Black planners as signs of weakness and befuddled strategy in a rugby war. In fairness to Graham Henry and co, or even Umaga, it is not their job to act as a faux judicial system - even if they thought an apology was warranted, which clearly they do not. Umaga might have acknowledged O'Driscoll when he departed, but it was early in a major test and he would have had the battle on his mind. And anyway, Justin Marshall deputised.

What occurred after the match, with the citing commissioner scuttling back to South Africa, evoked images of men in blazers winking in rugby brotherhood at each other, while flicking some difficult-to-deal-with piece of dirt under the carpet. Not good enough, but also not the All Blacks' problem.

In such times, All Black traditions will demand that they keep their unity, go under cover, store up as much return fire as possible, and let rip come match time. A Lions team out of its depth in Christchurch could be in for a shellacking in Wellington.

The most humorous note of the past few days is the revelation that the Lions believe they incited the All Blacks through a misjudged response to the haka, which they had based on advice given to them from "a Maori" via their email.

Surely Woodward's adviser Alastair Campbell, he of the Tony Blair inner circle, would have known the dangers of internet information. It can lead to all sorts of things for your career and the planet, like taking a country to war on false pretences, stuffing up an election, and even ending up at the bottom of the world running midnight rugby film sessions.

Cleverly, one British newspaper reckoned the Lions PR department was working better than its lineout, but this is open to major dispute. It is certainly working, but not well and Woodward's reputation is among the things in danger of being badly damaged unless the team starts living up to its price tag and supposed preparation.

Woodward will always be a World Cup winner but his standing took a major blow every time Irish hooker Shane Byrne launched another dud missile at Jade Stadium, and with every prod of his baton as he prosecuted Umaga and Mealamu.

One of Woodward's mistakes is that while talking tradition, he has not run his team on old touring lines. The Lions should have allowed their top team to gel and be judged on the field, even if it meant giving away selection and tactical ploys. As always seemed likely, he distrusted the rise of Welsh ponies, placing his faith in English war horses. So miserable were the Lions as they froze in the polar conditions, that it is Woodward more than his players who emerged as the man who had undertaken one campaign too many.

His test tube approach, mixing all the ingredients in the lab and hoping they would ignite on the night, blew up in his face and left a major hole in his rugby legacy.

If this slide continues, the future of Lions tours is even jeopardised. Expensive lemons don't go down well with safety-first broadcasters and European clubs itching for excuses to closet their players.

Whereas Woodward's World Cup planning won wide praise, so inept were these Lions that it suggests he may be yet another coach who found greatness because he happened upon great players. Christchurch was a disaster, for Woodward and the Lions' good name. How could a £9 million ($23 million) rugby operation turn up with a lineout that looked like a mosh pit at a Shihad concert? It's all very well keeping your tactics secret, but at least let the players in on the game.

The Southampton football supporters might pray that if Sir Clive ever gets to fling their money about on soccer's world transfer market, it will have the opposite result to his rugby hoorah.

While the Lions are presumably well versed in English, they appeared to speak different languages on the field in Christchurch.