The journey to a long-awaited All Blacks test debut hasn't come without its struggles for Akira Ioane, who has opened up about the mental challenges he faced in 2019.
The 25-year-old has been named to start at blindside flanker for Saturday's fourth and final Bledisloe Cup test in Brisbane. It will also be the All Blacks' second match in the Tri Nations, before two tests against Argentina.
Ioane has been on the fringe of test selection since breaking out with the Blues in 2015, but has constantly failed to force his way into a loose forward contingent dominated by Sam Cane, Ardie Savea, Kieran Read, Liam Squire, Jerome Kaino and Shannon Frizell over the last four years.
In and amongst his near misses with the international side, Ioane was battling another demon, one far more devastating that nearly proved career ending.
He admits last year his mental health took a big hit.
"I wasn't in the right headspace ... felt like giving up rugby so that was a pretty dark point in my life so far."
Ioane says he was unsure how his friends and family would take the news of his mental health.
"You don't know how people are going to take it, some people might think it's a joke and just start crack up laughing. I was lucky enough that my boys and family had my back.
"We've all sort of been through different things in our life, outside of rugby as well, that haven't necessarily gone our way. It's good to have a tight-knit group like that. You can actually bounce ideas off and have real honest conversations about how you're feeling."
All Blacks loose forward Akira Ioane revealed he struggled with mental health last year. Photo / Photosport
In August Ioane revealed to the Herald he "fell out of love with rugby" and looked to utilise the Covid-enforced lockdowns to change himself for the better.
Ioane says at one point he had a frank conversation with his father, who was stern in his desire for the loose forward to remain in the game. Ioane says when his father asked if he wanted to do a 9-5 job instead, he was quick to say 'No'.
"Dad gave me a boot up the bum," he added.
He says younger brother Rieko, who has been a constant in the All Blacks set-up for three years now, was a good "sounding board" during his struggles. Ioane adds Rieko even had a struggle of his own.
"We both sort of worked through it. We just said shut out the noise … just do what we do. He's been a big reason why I got back into shape and started playing the rugby that I have been, so big shout out to him."
Missing out year after year felt as though it was about to end when the first All Blacks team of 2019 was named. But another stellar campaign for the Blues was not enough as Ioane was again overlooked. He was also dealt some choice words from then coach Steve Hansen.
The World Cup winning mentor revealed problems around Ioane's fitness and work ethic, which he said had been the same problem in previous years.
The questionable work ethic seems to have reversed as Ioane finds himself in the starting side for Saturday night, ending a gruelling run of exclusion from the All Blacks that for many was grim to watch from afar.
He will be joined by Rieko on the field for the first time in either brother's international careers. Akira says it will be a special moment.
"That's been the dream since day one. It's special for Rieks and my family.
"It was 'who could make the All Blacks first' sort of thing growing up. Obviously Rieks beat me to it.
"There's always that friendly banter, and we played the age grade together and when we started spreading out … we followed the same path."
While a test match has eluded him, this will not be Ioane's first run out for New Zealand. He was brought into the end of year tour squad in 2017 as injury cover, and came off the bench against the French XV.
As well as Ioane the All Blacks will field up to three other debutants, with hooker Asafo Aumua, loosie Cullen Grace and outside back Will Jordan all named on the bench.
