KEY POINTS:
While the rest of the nation has seen Jamie Mackintosh as an All Black in waiting since he was 16, the Southlander has never been so sure.
He has never shared the same confidence in his own ability and, even last Sunday when he heard his name read in the team to play Scotland, he still wasn't sure he deserved to be there.
"I never thought I was good enough," he says with no hint of false modesty. "This year I knew that, before Super 14, I had a chance to gain a starting spot and I played 11 games. I thought I played pretty well but when they named the team I had mixed emotions. I was elated and proud but I was a bit nervous because I didn't know whether I deserved to be here or not. But this week hearing my name again, it sank in I was going to play and I had to trust myself."
To hear that he had his doubts is surprising. At 128kg and 1.94m, he couldn't possibly doubt that he was big enough for test rugby. He's a monster, aptly nicknamed Whopper as a consequence of jumping onto the physio's couch as an 18-year-old and everyone hearing the masseuse yell, "what a whopper".
What he has battled with is the mental side. Inside this giant frame, there lies the same fears and doubts present in much smaller men.
His size, in fact, has not always been a blessing. Because of his height, if he doesn't nail the engagement at scrum time, he can be in a lot of trouble. If he gets it right, though, he's not going to be easily budged.
This year has been about learning to get it right more often than he gets it wrong and to do that, he had to make a mind shift.
"I have changed my attitude from finding my feet to trying to dominate a game," he says.
By his side for the last eight years has been All Black scrum guru Mike Cron. "Since I was 16 he's been like a second dad, which is a bit of a team joke," says Mackintosh. "The boys tease me that I spend more time in Crono's room than I do in my own. He's been a special figure in what I have done. As I am so much taller, I have to work harder and he gives me the confidence that I can fix things. Maybe
a smaller prop can get away with missing his hit but I have got long levers so if I can get myself into a bad position I get hinged quite easily.
"I had a couple of years with Carl Hayman and he said the same thing _ that it takes a couple of years to learn what you have to do. I am nowhere near perfect but I am at the stage where I am a little bit more consistent."
Comparisons with Hayman are likely to be made for the rest of Mackintosh's career. The physical similarities make that inevitable and Mackintosh says he is keen to try life on the tight-head next year.
But the two share a bond off the field as well. Like Hayman, Mackintosh is happiest on the farm. He and his father Alistair have bought 200 acres on the back of the existing family farm in Southland.
"I have bought myself a chocolate lab pup, I've got a gun and a truck so I am right into it."
As a final neat little quirk, he made his debut this morning in a country close to his heart. "I have a proud Scottish heritage from Inverness. My great auntie still lives up there and we have got a wee farm called the Doon. It is a pretty special week to come to a place that means so much and get the start against Scotland."
